When I got married, I changed my name socially but not legally. Here are the pros, cons, and how it's going a year later.

• When I got married, I kept my legal name and just added my husband's surname to mine socially.
• On paper, my name is the same. I loved not needing to update my credit cards or bank accounts.
• I'd do it again — I've just learned that I can't be precious about which name people call me.

When I got married in 2022, I was open to adding my husband's surname to my own but I never considered giving up my last name. 

Since we wed in Minnesota, our marriage-license application had a line where we could just write in the surname we wanted after marriage. I thought about adding my husband's last name to my line, but the decision wasn't as simple as it seemed. I knew the change would come with mountains of paperwork.

Plus, we'd moved just three months before we got married so I'd already spent hours changing my address with financial institutions, clients, and online retailers. I also carried around a sheet of paper as my new driver's license for weeks because the physical cards were so slow to arrive. I wasn't eager to do that again. 

Fortunately, my husband never had any expectation of me taking his name legally.

He grew up in Québec, where both spouses must keep their respective surnames when they marry. There, it's also common for women marrying men to informally use their husband's last name — but their driver's licenses, bank accounts, and passports usually only have the surname they were born with.

With all that in mind, I decided to take the no-paperwork option and only use my husband's last name socially. 

Here's what socially taking a new surname meant for me:

• I'm still Candace Nelson on paper and for legal purposes, but you can call me Candace Nelson Guerrera. I will respond to both. 
• Candace Nelson, my legal name and the name I use for my job, didn't change. As a perk, I didn't have to fill out a zillion name-change forms for my Social Security number, passport, bank accounts, or credit cards. 
• For anything my husband and I share that doesn't require a legal name, like our account at the dry cleaner, I use his surname for both of us. I do this because people tend to call my husband Mr. Nelson if I put my surname on it. It doesn't bother him and he'll respond to it — but if we're picking one name to use, we'll go with his.
• With friends and family, I go by Candace Nelson Guerrera. Since no one has ever bought me plane tickets, it hasn't been an issue. (The name on your boarding pass must match your government-issued ID.)

For me, this choice is worth the confusion it causes 

If the above sounds confusing, it's because it is. That's the downside of a social name change. 

Sometimes the above scenarios overlap,  like when my emails to our accountant say Candace Nelson Guerrera, but then I must ensure our tax documents use my legal name (Candace Nelson). Sometimes Candace Guerrera gets listed as an emergency contact.

More than once I've shown up for a dinner reservation or taken my cat to the vet and said, "It's under Guerrera or maybe Nelson." We've received wedding invitations addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Guerrera and holiday cards written to Candace Nelson and Nick.

I've just learned that I can't be precious about which last name people use. I'm the one who made it confusing.

Despite some confusion, I'd make the same choice again. It gives me all the flexibility to pick which name to use. My husband even jokes about it, "Nelson? Guerrera? Whatever name you feel like using this week."

I tell him that I made it confusing on purpose. It helps keep identity thieves guessing.