PARENTING expert Tanith Carey explains what parents can do if their child is refusing to go to school.
Try to understand why: Talk to your child to see if you can find out why they are refusing to go to school.
There may be underlying issues, such as anxiety, bullying, or problems with friends, that are causing their reluctance to attend.
Set clear expectations: It is important to set clear expectations for your child’s attendance and to communicate the consequences of not attending school.
This may involve setting specific goals or rewards for attendance, or following through with consequences if attendance expectations are not met.
Tell the school: Do not try to cover up your child’s refusal by claiming they are ill.
If your child is developing a pattern of school refusal, research shows that working with school authorities from the start will help address the issue more quickly.
You will also need rapid intervention to prevent this becoming regular, as well as support from the school so they are more sympathetic to the difficulties your family are having.
Give positive reinforcement: When your child does go to school, talk about their day and reflect back their feelings without trying to talk them out of them.
Emphasise how they managed to cope, despite all the worries.
Use examples from your own life to explain that fears can seem greater when we try to avoid them and they will deal with them better by facing them.
Look for other symptoms: Some young people may develop school phobia in which they may have physical symptoms of fear, such as panic attacks, or complain they have headaches or stomach aches when they think about or attend school.
If the problem cannot be resolved with support from the school, ask for help from an educational psychologist via the school or your local authority.
Parents need to get on the same page: School refusal can take longer to address if parents have different views – for example, one of you is more sympathetic while the other advocates a tougher line.
Take some time to talk through your feelings and agree on a joint approach.
Help with social skills: A common reason for school refusal is that teens develop low feelings of self-worth because they have difficulties with friends.
Rather than hope they will grow out of these, give specific targeted help to help them practise social cues and exchanges.
