DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND gay porn on my fiance’s laptop, but he’s denying that he’s gay.
I’m 44, he’s 45 and we’ve been together for ten years.
The sex was great in the first years of our relationship, but lately he avoids it, and when I come on to him he makes excuses.
I recently borrowed his laptop and found gay porn in his search history.
When I confronted him, he was dismissive and made me feel stupid for asking.
He says it’s simply a pop-up, but I’m not convinced.
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We haven’t had sex since.
I really thought he might make an effort to reassure me of his sexuality as well as feelings for me, but it’s been two weeks now.
How could the man I’ve been with for a decade be secretly gay?
Am I overreacting?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: There could be a chance he has an attraction to men that he finds hard to admit.
Porn sites can also present viewers with content they might never have searched out themselves, as they are designed to be addictive and introduce people to extreme scenarios.
Either way, refusing to discuss why he was watching gay porn won’t help either of you move on.
Find a moment to speak with him again. My support pack Internet Pornography Worries may help.
Seeing a sex and relationship therapist together would help. COSRT.org.uk can put you in contact with re with reputable counsellors.
