DEAR DEIDRE: While I was under anaesthesia in a hospital operating theatre, my wife was having sex with her lover in our marital bed.
She has so little care for me that she couldn’t even be bothered to visit me afterwards to see how I was.
We’ve been married for 10 years. I’m 48 and she’s 45.
I’ve had suspicions that she’s been playing away for a long time, but no real proof.
She was always on her phone, tapping away, but there were never any visible messages – because she deleted them all.
Whenever I asked what she was doing, she’d say she was talking to her best friend. So why delete the messages?
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She even mocked me for being insecure and suspicious.
Then there were the mail order packages from expensive lingerie companies (I know because I checked online) containing goodness knows what.
I have no idea because I never saw her wear any new underwear.
Last month, I had a serious bike accident on the way home from work and badly broke my leg.
I had to go into hospital for surgery and was told I’d need months of physio afterwards.
My wife dropped me off at the hospital for my operation, kissed me, and said she’d be in to see me the next day.
I didn’t hear from her again for two days!
Other men in my ward had visits from their wives and girlfriends, who brought chocolate and magazines.
Not me. My wife didn’t even send a text.
When she finally came in, she said she thought I’d be happy because I needed the rest.
I noticed she wasn’t wearing her wedding ring. I asked her about it, and without a beat, she said she was having it tightened as she’d lost weight.
Then my neighbour – who is also a friend – came in to see me.
He told me he’d noticed my wife letting a strange man into and out of our house while I was in hospital – including on the afternoon of my operation.
There was no doubt she was cheating.
I love my wife and have given her a good life, supporting her financially and giving her everything she could ever want.
Should I end my marriage?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife has behaved callously and cruelly.
She has repeatedly lied to you and gaslighted you, and now, when you’re vulnerable and in pain, has proven herself to be selfish and uncaring.
This is abusive.
Although you don’t have absolute confirmation, from all the evidence it does sound like she’s having an affair.
You need to talk to her about your suspicions and feelings.
Don’t let her gaslight you again. My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you with this difficult conversation.
Please get support from friends and family and talk to a counsellor. Relate can help (www.relate.org.uk).
She doesn’t deserve you. You’re worth more than someone’s meal-ticket.
You deserve happiness, and unless she completely transforms her attitude, I’m afraid you won’t experience this if you stay with her.
