I’m secretly sleeping with my best friend and his girlfriend after threesome
DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE having a threesome with my best friend and his girlfriend I’ve been sneaking around having secret sex with each of them.
I’ve fallen for them both, but I don’t want to mess up their relationship or our now mutual friendships.
I’m a 24-year-old man. My friend is 22 and his girlfriend is 23.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve been exploring my sexuality and I have realised that I’m bisexual.
I told my best mate and he said he’d always been bi-curious and was up for a threesome with me and his girlfriend.
She agreed. One night, we all got very drunk and it happened. It was awkward at first, but everyone enjoyed it.
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It awakened something in my best mate. Now, when we’re alone, we end up giving each other oral sex. His girlfriend doesn’t know.
Another night, I was left alone downstairs with her. She came on to me and we ended up having sex. We’ve now done it several times behind his back.
I know we can’t carry on like this. I feel guilty, even though I’m not the one cheating.
I fear if one of them finds out, it will break them up or, worse, they will stop being my friend.
My dream is to bring this out into the open and have a three-way relationship.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You have found yourself in a messy love triangle and have developed feelings for both your best mate and his girl.
The problem is, nobody is being honest.
As you’ve learned, threesomes can be very complicated and have unforeseen consequences. My support pack, Thinking Of A Threesome?, explains more.
It’s clear you want more than experimentation or occasional sex.
Your emotions have come into play and you would like a polyamorous relationship with them.
Nothing will change unless you are honest.
Say nothing and this will really eat away at you, damaging your friendships even if the truth doesn’t come out.
And it almost certainly will.
Why not sound each of them out subtly on their feelings about a polyamorous arrangement?
If they seem keen, you could suggest giving it a try.
If not, then you might need to distance yourself from them until your feelings have died down.
If you want more advice or to talk to someone in confidence, contact The Mix (themix.org.uk) for confidential help for under-25s.