Iced lattes become illegal, oat milk outlawed
Every American citizen required to purchase a hundred dollars’ worth of My Pillows per month
Christian prayer now required before pumping gas
Registered Democrats must wear crying emoji badge
You’ll be told, “COVID’s over, asshole,” on every flight where you wear a mask1
New 200% sales tax on White Claw
Netflix menus nothing but Dinesh D’Souza and Kirk Cameron movies
All the books your kids should be reading to make them well-rounded adults: BANNED at libraries1
The new voice of your GPS: Marjorie Taylor Greene
People think it’s okay to break into the homes of lawmakers and beat up their spouses because politics1
Keanu Reeves extradited to Canada for being too nice
Instead of pushing common-sense gun laws after multiple school massacres, Texas governor opts to send DNA body-identifying kits to parents1
Herschel Walker offers to pay for your mom’s abortion
Anti-Semitism is back, baby!1
An elected congresswoman pushes QAnon conspiracy theories, including the whopper that COVID was artificially developed in a lab and paid for by Dr. Fauci1
Drivers license test now includes reciting the Ten Commandments while parallel parking
Insurrectionists storm America’s capitol, smear feces on the floor, beat up police, and attempt to kill lawmakers. Half of America: “no biggie” 1
Comically obvious supervillain buys Twitter, and it devolves into a complete hellscape in under twenty-four hours1
Legal migrants seeking work shipped on buses across the country like cattle just for the lulz1
Supreme Court votes no more affirmative action1
Women lose bodily autonomy1
President Donald Trump Jr.
1 Wait, that already happened—or will soon. ELECTION DAY IS NOVEMBER 8TH. VOTE.
