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Recently, SPY spoke to several real-life dominatrixes with many years of experience putting subs in their places. These experts shared some tips on safe BDSM play and recommendations for the best BDSM sex toys. And one of the most popular types of toys they recommended were items for impact play. After all, who doesn’t enjoy a good old fashion spanking?
Within the world of BDSM, there are endless avenues to explore, from electro sex toys for experienced kinksters to BDSM starter kits for beginners, but impact play is especially popular. Impact play refers to any kind of sex play that involves hitting, striking or slapping the body with some sort of force. It doesn’t have to inflict pain — sometimes, impact play is just teasing your partner with a feather tickler or a light smack on the bum. Other times, it involves a more intense sensation, like the heavy thud of a flogger or the sharp sting of a whip. There’s often some form of power play involved — the person wielding the impact toy will typically act as the dominant, while the one on the receiving end will act as the submissive.
Although it is a power exchange of sorts, this is one of the more approachable forms of BDSM that vanilla couples often incorporate into their playtime, and there are plenty of BDSM toys for couples to experiment with. While there are some novelty whips available for the purpose of role play, we’re going to be focusing on high-quality materials and the different sensations they deliver. For instance, a flogger is gentler than a whip, and sex therapist and BDSM educator Amy Julia Cheyfitz of The Pincus Center shares some insight on sensations.
“We typically group impact toys into ‘thuddy’ and ‘stingy,’ which is often described as the sensation difference between a closed-fist punch (thud), and an open-handed slap (sting). Many people who like ‘thuddy’ sensations love floggers with wide falls (the pieces that hang down from the handle that make contact with the body) made out of materials like elk or supple cow hide, suede, or other weighty materials. Some paddles, especially those that are heavier or covered in something like leather, can also deliver a nice thud!”
A woman wearing typical BDSM gear and holding a pink flogger.
“If you want to try a flogger but you love stingy sensations, you might like thinner falls made out of material like rubber or a stiffer leather. Other stingy favorites may be things like canes, or a lot of kitchen tools like wooden spoons and spatulas, and crops (hit up a tack store rather than an adult boutique for better price and quality). Whips are also another stingy favorite, but are something that have the potential to do major damage and require experience — preferably with a teacher who is skilled and knowledgeable.”
As with any kink that you’re exploring, safety is key. Certified sex therapist and BDSM specialist Dr. Stefani Goerlich shares this must-know information when it zones that should be avoided when flogging or whipping: “Avoid striking the lower back — the risk of injuring or even breaking the tailbone is too high. I recommend placing a folded-up towel across the bottoming partner’s lower back to provide a visual ‘no go’ zone to the Top wielding the impact toy as well as to offer some cushioning should a strike land wrong.”
“You should also avoid striking the hips, as this can cause damage to the sciatic nerve. Impact play should be aimed at spots on the body that contain deep muscles such as the buttocks, upper thighs, upper arms, breasts, and shoulders. Don’t strike vertically down the back and risk hitting the spine. Stand to one side of your Bottom and strike slowly and horizontally across the back, where the muscle will absorb most of the impact. Many people enjoy the sensation of impact play on their belly/abdomen, but this is another higher-risk area to strike. My general recommendation is to avoid this area when engaging in impact play.”
Anne Bryne, owner of The Dungeon Store, a BDSM retailer that sells everything from high-grade leather whips to neoprene floggers, shares wisdom from her years of expertise working as a BDSM shop owner. For her, it’s all about open communication, honesty and transparency about skill level.
“Consent, consent, consent! Negotiate very clearly what it is you’re proposing to do and be open about what your skill level it. This is not an activity that most people successfully pick up by watching two Youtube videos. You need to do some real hands-on practice and be honest about your skill level. If you’re receiving a flog and you’ve never had that experience, It’s important to state that.”
“Going slow is also key — you can always go more intense, go harder, or use a more advanced type of flogger that elicits a sharper sensation. Start with light things and check in a lot with your partner. Flogging is all about creating intimacy and energy in a bubble between partners – it’s not about how good you look. Some people love the butt, for others, it’s a trigger. For others, they prefer the shoulders, but you’ll want to avoid the non-muscled areas and stay aware of medical conditions or previous surgery. Discuss what they enjoy, including what kind of sensation.”
Another tip Bryne provides is on the movement of your arm when flogging. While many people think that it doesn’t happen from the shoulder down — instead, the movement is more controlled and occurs from the elbow to the wrist.
If you’re looking for online classes, consider Kink Academy, The Kink Hub or Wicked Grounds.
The shape and silhouette of impact toys can affect the sensation. The wider the toy (think paddles or floggers), the more of a thud it will provide. A narrower shape, like whips and narrow-ended crops, will deliver more of a sting. Knowing your materials is also important, as this can drastically affect sensation. Dr. Tiffany K, board-certified sexologist and kink-affirming intimacy consultant provides us with a quick breakdown of the different materials that can provide a variety of sensations:
Now, we’ll dive into the best impact toys for everyone from beginners to those more experienced in kink.
For newbies and more experienced folks looking to expand their collection, Stockroom’s basic suede flogger is one of the best thuddy toys out there. Available in two lengths, both toys have a leather wrist loop for hanging. A soft and sexy intro to flogging, this black suede leather flogger is the perfect toy to practice with and provides a high-end experience that will last for decades to come.
Buy: Stockroom Basic Suede 24 $84.00
Buy: Stockroom Basic Suede 18 $80.00
BDSM starter kits are a fantastic way to explore impact play as well as other arenas in the BDSM realm. This one includes three different forms of impact – a tickler, weighted nipple clamps and a mini flogger. We love this as a method to discover what type of sensation you enjoy. If you’re looking to spice things up, consider gifting this elegant set to your significant other – just be sure to have a clear conversation about expectations and boundaries before you get to playing.
Buy: Fifty Shades Of Grey 10 Days of Play Couples Gift Set $119.99
Sportsheets is one of the most trusted brands out there, and their mini riding crop offers a portable solution for starters. With a looped end that isn’t too narrow, it’s not as stingy as other riding crops and can fit in any bag, making it a discrete addition to your vacation. Made of faux leather, it’s also a suitable option for those seeking vegan material.
The riding crop is a staple among BDSM lovers. It produces a solid sting and depends largely on the intensity of the Dominant sensation. Similarly, to the flogger, they can be made in a variety of materials. However, leather and faux leather tend to be the most common. The length of the riding crop may also vary but should be matched to the dominant’s preference and comfort level. This is a longer version of our portable mini crop above.
Buy: Bondage Boutique Slim Leather Riding Crop $19.99
At under $20, this is one of the best paddles to start out with, especially due to its dual-material design. With leather on one side and satin on the other, this spanking paddle comes in three colors and allows you to explore with different textures. A natural upgrade from your hand, the glossy stain side feels amazing against freshly spanked skin, while the smoother leather side yields a more audible slap and a stronger tingle.
Buy: Lovehoney Satin and Leather Spanking Paddle $19.99
A belt slapper is an easier-to-handle version of a leather belt, folded in half and secured with a handle. It provides a solid “whack” with a good sting and minimal thud. Belt slappers can provide both light slapping on the rear (or any other part of the body) or, with a bit more intensity, can create a solid bite leading to a pink bottom very quickly. Perfect for spanking over the knee, this green belt slapper from Etsy is made from authentic leather and gets positive customer reviews.
Buy: Leather Boy Belt Loop Style Slapper $19.99
If the sting of a riding crop, cane, or whip sounds way too intense, consider a wide paddle like this one, which is versatile for gentle admonishments or more intense reprimands. This is a great accessory to combine with cuffs or other forms of restraint play – just remember to keep checking in with each other during the scene to make sure everyone’s feeling good. A thuddy yet satisfying option for beginners.
Buy: Saffron Faux Leather Ping Pong Paddle $24.00
Like a feather tickler, this metal ball chain tickler can provide a gentle tickle for beginners. But unlike a feather tickler, it’s made of metal, which results in more of a caress. Still, we love it for its ability to provide a variety of sensations. When used more aggressively (by experienced BDSM players only) it can provide a serious sting that fabric floggers simply can’t accomplish. A flexible toy that allows you to level up when you want to,
Buy: Stockroom Metal Ball Tickler $13.00
Kinklab is a highly coveted brand in the BDSM community, and you can find many of their products at Stockroom. Rather than buying three paddles, this paddle with transformative powers offers a three-in-one experience at a more budget-friendly price point, letting you take things to the next level whenever you want to.
Buy: Kinklab Panamorphic Paddle 3-in-1 Spanking Set $54.40 (orig. $68.00) 20% OFF
A dragon’s tail is a rolled whip with a lot of versatility. It requires accuracy with use and thus is for the intermediate to advanced BDSM practitioner. However, it’s much easier to use and heavier than a classic single-tail braided whip. This heavy-duty whip-meets-flogger is made from faux leather and features a wrist strap for additional control and hanging. If you do prefer a single-headed dragon’s tail whip, consider this one from Etsy.
Buy: Sportsheets Saffron Braided Flogger $20.96 after code FALL
If the idea of a whip doesn’t sound up your alley, consider playing with this tiny, affordable Wartenberg pinwheel from Bondage Boutique that you can trace along your partner’s body. A pinwheel blends sensation play and impact play. Adjusting intensity is easy – just press softer or harder for prickles of different sensations. A versatile metal toy with incredible results and minimal effort.
Buy: Bondage Boutique Stainless Steel Wartenberg Pinwheel $12.99
Although we think that folks should generally stay away from unknown brands and random Amazon buys, Doc Johnson is one of the most trusted sex toy brands out there, and positive user reviews lead us to recommend this as one of the top contenders. You can also check out retailers like Lovehoney where this product is sold, but it often sells out quickly. Ideal for intermediate experience, as it’s more intense than a fabric flogger. Another bonus? The handle is insertable so it can be worn as a tail.
Buy: Doc Johnson The Quad Premium Silicone Whip $37.84
If you’re a newbie and the crack of cow leather sounds a little intimidating, consider starting out with a light sensation flogger like this one, which features a glass knob handle. Featuring silky nylon satin falls that feel absolutely decadent on skin, this can be used lightly for a whisper of a tickle, but can also provide a bit of a string when used with full force.
Buy: Blissful Discipline BDSM Light Sensation Flogger $29.00Although people don’t often think about nipple play as being synonymous with impact play, it applies pressure on the skin and can potentially bruise, which makes it fit into that category. This sexy set from Dominix has tweezer-style clamps and an attached leather collar, creating a sensual look that no sub or dom will be able to resist. Clamps are fully adjustable for a personalized fit.
Buy: DOMINIX Deluxe Leather Collar with Nipple Clamps $36.99
After years of working in the kink industry, Bryne shares her advice for buying impact play toys. shopping in person when possible but also tells shoppers where to avoid when finding the best impact play toy for them.
“Stay away from Amazon – cheap is not better. Amazon is great for a lot of things but if you find a really great deal, don’t be surprised if they only last for a few moments. Check out higher-end adult stores or trade shows like Exotica or your local dungeon community. Trying it in person and playing touch-feely, really feeling the weight in your hand can be really helpful.
“If you do need to buy online, consider Etsy. Products on Etsy are American-made and offer more transparency. They allow you to reach out for customer service and ask questions as well as have products described.”
Additionally, you can trust online options from quality retailers like Stockroom, Lovehoney, and Babeland for trusted online retailers where you can sort through customer reviews and ratings to get a better idea of what a toy will be like. You can also check out SPY’s guide to the best places to buy sex toys online.
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