DEAR DEIDRE: WITH only a month to go until my due date, a woman has contacted me about her late-night video sessions with my boyfriend.
He and I should be buying baby clothes, but instead I’m considering kicking him out.
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His infidelity is a huge slap in the face — especially because I already forgave him once, six years ago, for cheating on me.
I’m 38 and my partner is 39. We’ve been together for ten years and have a three-year-old daughter.
I was in blissful ignorance until a woman contacted me on Facebook.
I didn’t know her but she said she had been having video sex with my partner and they were due to meet in person.
But when she discovered he was with someone and expecting a second child, she felt it was her duty to let me know.
She sent me images that made it clear she was telling the truth.
He initially said she was blackmailing him.
He insisted he wouldn’t let anything come between us.
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But he didn’t know I had evidence. I checked his phone and saw he’d been messaging and sending nudes to several women — they couldn’t all be blackmailing him.
Confronted with all the pictures and messages — I’d taken screenshots — he finally caved in and apologised. But then he started excusing himself, saying he was sex-deprived and needed release somewhere.
I thought we were happy and this has devastated me.
I feel stuck but want to tell him to leave. I don’t think my relationship can survive this. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: Being so heavily pregnant, and on the verge of welcoming another child into the world, will make you feel incredibly vulnerable.
This news will have come as a terrible shock to you.
Maybe he doesn’t see online behaviour as cheating but video sex is absolutely a form of cheating. He would no doubt be horrified if you did it with other men.
Now you need to decide whether you think it’s possible to rebuild the intimacy and trust in your relationship, or if you’d be happier ending it.
You need to talk to your partner and ask him to be completely honest with you. Ask yourself, does he genuinely want to make your relationship work?
It’s worth trying for the sake of your daughter and your unborn child.
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But if you sense that he is not committed to strengthening your relationship, then you would be better off walking away – for both your happiness and that of your children.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? should be helpful.
