Ten reasons Kevin Durant should return to the Warriors

There’s no way Kevin Durant is coming back to Golden State. None at all. Zero chance. Still, what if he did?

In a move that in no way was timed to steal the spotlight from the beginning of the NBA’s transaction season, former Golden State Warriors superstar Kevin Durant demanded a trade from his team of three years, the Brooklyn Nets.

Durant became dissatisfied with the Nets recently, likely due to their reluctance to extend a maximum extension offer to his Best Friend Forever Kyrie Irving. Or the James Harden trade debacles, their embarrassing playoff sweep to the Celtics, the election of Mayor Eric Adams, Mercury going into retrograde in June, Steve Nash’s coaching, the trade of his other BFF DeAndre Jordan, and a mean comment that a 14-year-old Nets fan left on his Instagram page in January.

Is there any chance the Warriors trade for Durant? It would take a serious haul of assets, including Andrew Wiggins, Jordan Poole, likely one or two other young stars, plus a plethora of future draft picks and swaps. And Durant doesn’t have the Warriors on his list of preferred trades, repeatedly bad-mouths the coaching staff and front office, and still seems to hold a grudge that Draymond loudly called him names during a Clippers game four years ago. So, no, there’s no chance. But here’s ten reasons why KD coming back would be great for him.

1. Kevin Durant got a lot of flak for joining the Warriors after they had the best record in the NBA and lost in the Finals. Well, this year, they only had the third-best record in the NBA and they won the Finals. Completely different situation! I can’t imagine that anyone would criticize Kevin Durant or call him a ring-chaser this time.
2. He wouldn’t have to play with Kyrie Irving anymore. Or James Harden.
3. Kevin Durant loves spending time arguing with people on social media. Well where are those companies all located? Twitter is in SF, Instagram and WhatsApp are located in Facebook’s Menlo Park offices, and Snapchat’s SF offices are a mere mile and a half from the Chase Center. Although Snapchat is more of Draymond place. Regardless, the next time there’s a startup giving people a place to yell at each other online, the odds are it’ll be in the Bay Area.
4. The Warriors just launched an entertainment division where they’re putting out documentaries and releasing music. What’s missing from that list? Podcasts. With KD, Draymond Green, and Andre Iguodala, they have the foundation for a podcast empire that could rival NPR! Not only could the Warriors offer state-of-the-art audio production facilities - just convert one of those season ticket holder wine cellars - they could offer Durant an ownership stake, plus royalties as he mentors young players in the ways of podding. Imagine “Kumming To America,” where Jonathan Kuminga takes about the United States through to lens of the immigrant experience. Or “Moody Blues,” where Moses Moody reviews old Muddy Waters records. Or a financial show called “Wiseman, Poor Man,” where James Wiseman advises callers on how to budget money for medical expenses. Or even “The Dead Poole,” where Jordan Poole solves old murder cases. Yes, most of those young players would have to be traded in a deal for Durant, but who knows? Maybe Nemanja Bjelica wants to do a Serbian-language version of “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me.”
5. If Durant comes back, he has an excellent chance to deny Steph Curry another Finals MVP trophy, which will burnish KD’s own résumé, as well as lead to KD’s favorite thing: People arguing online. It’s better than money for him!
6. The creators of “Holey Moley” are always looking for new angles for the show, which included the addition of Muppets for Season 4 (aka “Holey Moley Four-Ever”). And Kevin Durant loves playing golf video games, specifically Rory McIlroy PGA Tour. It’s not clear if Durant enjoys actual golf, but perhaps Holey Moley can introduce an element where they have to out-putt a virtual Durant, and Steph lets him wear a green jacket and accept the inevitable Emmy award, even though Steph really laid the foundation for the show, and honestly it’s a testament to his lack of ego that he’d allow another superstar to share the spotlight.
7. One of the tech millionaires sitting in courtside seats can allow Durant to borrow his blood boy. Durant is getting up there in years, and Silicon Valley rich guys know that the best way to stave off the aging process is to inject the blood of a younger, healthier man. There’s simply no other American city with such direct, courtside access to life-extension technology, and as man who’s turning 34 years old before the season, Durant wants that sweet young plasma.
8. The Warriors got a little too likeable during their Finals run. Whether it was entering the playoffs as an underdog, overcoming injuries, Klay Thompson’s triumphant return, or the entertaining, pace-pushing basketball, the 2022 Golden State team captured the hearts of basketball fans that had turned on them after their initial success. Now it’s time to start shoving people off the bandwagon. They’d be a super team again, they’d play far more stagnant, isolation basketball, and just imagine the press conferences when Draymond and KD are both berating the media at the same time.
9. We’d get to see the one single Brooklyn Nets fan in the world half-heartedly try to light a Kevin Durant jersey on fire outside a food truck in Williamsburg before giving up, shrugging, and deciding to wear it to Bonnaroo anyway because now it’s ironic.
10. The hotness of the take Skip Bayless delivers the day after the trade goes through might actually make his head explode on live television, and who doesn’t want to see that? I bet Kevin Durant does!