NOTHING compares to the sheer frustration of being a parent to a teenager.
Controlled by hormones that have taken over every cell in their body, teenagers often cause a great deal of trouble to parents who struggle to understand why their once bubbly and cuddly kid has turned into a monster.
However, as one expert revealed, a lot of it could be to do with a few major parenting errors.
Here, Fabulous spoke to Kirsty Ketley, a whizz who has also shared what makes your child a spoilt brat.
When it comes to raising a teen, there are three errors that a parent can make, Kirsty explained.
”Trying to be their friend – teens need parents to be their parents, not their friends, that’s what their peers are for.”
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This doesn’t mean you suddenly have to change the tone and become like an authoritative dictator – ”be friendly and engaged with their child, but they also need to be the one in charge”, she added.
”I often liken families to being a team, with the parents as managers – there to guide, support and ensure that everyone in the team is doing their bit.”
The second big mistake is forgetting what it’s like to be a teenager.
”A teen’s stress might seem trivial to an adult, but to them it really isn’t and needs validating and treating with empathy.
”Of course life will get harder as they grow up, but that isn’t helpful in the ‘right now’, so listening and showing some empathy is important.”
Asked to name the parenting errors, Kirsty also emphasised how important it is to not always ‘rescue’ your child.
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”Kids who are always rescued by their parents can struggle to make decisions later on.
”Making decisions builds confidence, so allowing them to make their own choices – for example, what they wear – is important.”
Here parents can give children the pros and cons, which also lets them ”take the responsibility for their choice”.
With teenagers now spending more time glued to their phones than ever, it’s tempting to keep track of their activities and whereabouts – something which, as Kirsty noted, has become ”hugely popular” recently.
But while it can bring peace of mind to parents, it can very easily ruin the parent-child relationship.
”It is so important that a child learns to trust their parents and that a parent trusts their child.
”Relying on apps to track their whereabouts or what they are looking at online, can seriously undermine that trust, which can lead kids to make risky choices or get clever at evading detection.”
Make sure that your child knows you are always there if they need you.”
Kirsty Ketley
Summer’s now in full force and with time off, this for most teenagers means only one thing – going to parties with booze and, possibly, other substances involved.
Of course, Kirsty, a mum-of-two herself, realises that you might feel worried or anxious – it’s completely natural.
”Again, giving them the pros and cons, letting them know and understand the consequences if they get caught doing drugs, or drinking alcohol, and allowing them to make the choice, rather than you flat out saying no.
”I think it very much depends on the child though, and parents know their child best and know whether they can be trusted to make the right or wrong decisions, despite being warned.”
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Sharing her expertise, Kirsty added: ”I think it’s wise to pick your battles but also make sure that your child knows you are always there if they need you.
”Even if they’ve made a mistake, they should feel that, even though they know there will be consequences, you are there to help guide them through.”
