DEAR DEIDRE: MY family kicked me out because I fell in love with my stepdad’s brother, who is married and twice my age.
I’m devastated because they have cut me off, though they still socialise with him.
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I’m a woman of 22 and have a complicated family tree.
My dad died when I was two. Mum remarried my stepdad when I was five. I always felt like they didn’t have much time for me once they had my brother. He’s now 17.
My stepdad had always been close to his brother. They’re both in their late forties.
His daughter was in my year at school. We were best friends.
I never saw him as anything but my stepdad’s brother.
That was until I started working at his office when I was 20.
He’d wear a suit and walk around with authority. He looked powerful and sexy.
We’d stay late after work and talk for hours. I confided in him my deepest insecurity of always feeling like the odd one out.
He listened to me, and paid me the attention I craved. One night we ended up having sex.
It didn’t feel dirty. It felt right. We were making love. It was more than lust. I loved him.
We sneaked around like this for a year and he promised he would leave his wife.
I hated keeping our love secret. One day I cracked and hinted to my best friend — his daughter — that there was more to our relationship than met the eye. It was like I’d set off a bomb. Before long, my whole family knew and hated me.
Mum and my stepdad threw me out. That was six months ago. I live with a friend and haven’t seen them since.
I’ve sent Mum countless texts but she doesn’t want to know.
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Nor does my best friend, or my former lover. He is still with his wife, boasting on Facebook about holidays and romantic weekends.
I’ve never felt so alone.
DEIDRE SAYS: As painful as this situation is, at least you discovered his lack of commitment before you became more involved.
Perhaps you could write a letter to your mum laying out all your feelings about what happened and how you feel now. She might not respond but at least she will know how you feel. And it could be cathartic for you.
You can contact Stand Alone (standalone.org.uk), which helps people estranged from their families.
You are young and have plenty of time to find someone truly available who will love and appreciate you.
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To get some clarity on how you can move forward with your life, it could be beneficial to talk to a counsellor.
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