FAMILY drama is nothing out of the ordinary.
Many people deal with difficult parents, estranged siblings, or traumatic upbringings and find a way to move forward.
One woman, however, has been branded shallow because she doesn’t want to invite certain “scruffy” family members to her wedding.
Posting anonymously on mumsnet.com, the bride-to-be shared her dilemma:
“I feel so horrible and snobby saying this, but I am so scared about inviting most of my family to my wedding because they are very scruffy/have poor hygiene and they are very uneducated and just have poor, narrow-minded views, i.e. racism etc.”
The woman went on to clarify that she is talking about her mother’s side of the family—her aunts and uncles—and explained that they are not bad people, just a product of their upbringing.
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“If they didn’t make an effort with me it would be easier, but they have always consistently sent cards, presents, and have shown they care about me and my children.
“Which is why it makes me so sad and torn inside to even think about not inviting them.”
She explained her reasoning, however, saying that she’s made a major effort to move “away from the dysfunctionality” of her family and the upbringing she is so ashamed of.
“I feel like my other half’s family will think I am trash because of where I come from.”
The woman said that besides her aunts and uncles, she is nervous about inviting her own mother, father, and brother because they “do not look after their personal hygiene, hardly ever brush their teeth, etc.”
“But they at least are fairly well-spoken, and because they are closer to me I know I can take them out and pay for haircuts, outfits, etc.”
She said she knows they wouldn’t take offense to this gesture because they “know that I take pride in appearance and have always been a little ‘different’ from them.”
“I think they understand that I love them deeply but that I also want them to look presentable.”
She asked readers if it would be ok to invite her mother, father, and her siblings, while leaving out her aunts, uncles, and cousins.
“I don’t want to hurt their feelings and I do care about them, but I also want to enjoy my wedding without worrying about shame and embarrassment.”
Some readers thought her concerns were superficial:
“Tbh you do sound rather shallow about this… Either invite them to celebrate with you and accept them as they are, or have a smaller wedding and only invite close family,” one person wrote.
“You aren’t a terrible person, but it is a little sad that you think your [partner’s] family will think ill of you because of what your family looks like,” added a second.
Others, however, offered the woman advice without judgment:
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“Invite who you want, it’s your wedding,” wrote one.
“[Have a] small wedding or travel abroad and just have two witnesses. I don’t blame you for not wanting them there and I’m not a snob at all,” added another.
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