DEAR DEIDRE: MY lover has promised to leave his wife – once I have set up a love nest for us both to move in to.
But what if he changes his mind?
No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.
I’m a woman of 26 and my lover is 54. We fell in love when I joined a craft beer company.
He works on the brewing side and I organise our company tours. It’s a great job.
He was keen to welcome me to the company and we clicked.
After we’d had an exhausting day with lots of visitors, we went for a drink on our way home.
He said he’s married and his wife is 51 and they have two daughters, whereas I’ve only had one long-term relationship.
Dropping me to my front door, he thanked me for a wonderful couple of hours and then he kissed me.
It felt so good to be in a real man’s arms. I’d only been with boys before.
He doesn’t look or act like an old man. He’s into his fitness and does a lot of cycling.
He said, “I know it’s wrong but I really like you. My wife and I haven’t been getting on for years.”
By the next day, we were texting and then we had lunch together. We’ve become lovers. The sex is incredible.
We book the same days off, and we sneak out for lunch together.
He says he loves me and I love him. He wants us to move in together but I want him to make the break from his wife first.
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He can’t move in with me now as I’m in a shared rental house. He says I should find somewhere for us both to live and then he’ll tell his wife — but will he?
Can I trust this man? I’m scared of ending up in a home I can’t afford and being left heartbroken.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry to say but everything about this relationship screams “No!” to me.
He’s married. He wants you to do all the running and you’re already asking if you can trust him?
If his marriage is that bad, he’ll leave his wife and become a free agent.
You are new to the job which you love. Why would you be prepared to throw that away?
Even if your employers don’t mind employee relationships, do you really want to be the talk of the staff room?
This man is old enough to be your father and while relationships like this can work, you are both at very different life stages.
You would need to give this at least a year to show that you have something good together and that he is as good as his word and his marriage is over.
My support pack called Your Lover Not Free may help you to see this relationship for what it is.
