A RELATIONSHIP coach has laid her foot down when it comes to punishing teens. She said mindlessly punishing them won’t do much in the long run and encouraged parents to instead try connecting with them with respect and trust. Aly Pain, a certified relationship coach and parenting expert, set the scene to show exactly what […]
A RELATIONSHIP coach has laid her foot down when it comes to punishing teens.
She said mindlessly punishing them won’t do much in the long run and encouraged parents to instead try connecting with them with respect and trust.
Aly Pain, a certified relationship coach and parenting expert, set the scene to show exactly what not to do when dealing with a naughty teenager in a video shared online.
“So your teenager has made a significantly poor choice, breaking boundaries and stepping out of line, and you need to make sure you nip that in the bud right now.
“When you’re done with this punishment, they’re gonna know you need business,” she said in the mindset of an angry parent.
“Removing their phone, all of their gaming, their door, their sheets, their mattress.
“They’re going to have nothing left and start obeying your rules.”
Once she described the scenario, she revealed punishment like this “comes from a place of fear, anger, needing control or power over someone” and simply embarrasses and shames kids.
Aly said in the end, your teenager will likely only comply with such punishment to get their things back, and not because they care to change their behavior.
“They are way too pissed at you because punishment does not include respect and I guarantee you if you use it they don’t respect you either,” she warned.
To avoid this, Aly suggested that parents build a relationship of “respect, trust, and connection” as a way to better manage their teens’ behaviors or any issues that may come up.
In another video that further explained this suggestion, Aly said it’s best to help build your child’s character so their actions match the type of person you want them to be rather than scaring or forcing them into complying.
“That is their only life jacket in this thing called life and there’s no shortcut to building that other than creating connection through curious conversation where you listen to what they think as much as you offer what you think,” she explained.
“Those conversations build independent decision-making and critical analysis to keep them away from the bad influences you’re trying to use control to keep them away from.”
Aly’s warning and tip were met with praise from hew viewers, as one person said her method worked on her kid, who assigned a consequence to herself when she knew she stepped out of line.
“I stopped punishing and talked and kept my reactions neutral,” another parent shared.
“He opened up and responded. Building trust!!”
“My mum used to do this, I used to pretend I didn’t care that my stuff was gone and I got it back because she saw it didn’t work,” a third person admitted.
Aly’s tips to not mindlessly punish kids seem to identify with a growing trend in the parenting world that encourages parents to assess the situation before immediately punishing their kids when they’ve misbehaved.
For instance, parenting expert Heidi Smith Luedtke said it’s sometimes best to allow kids to face natural consequences for their actions instead of trying to control the outcome.
“If your child refuses to put on his coat, let him get cold.
“If he fails to clean his room, let his toys get lost,” she said.
Plus, a mother said she uses related consequences for her children rather than a blanket punishment that teaches them nothing.
For instance, when her toddlers ruined her makeup, she made them help clean it up rather than taking their screen time away.
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