I resent Grapple Dog for making me resent Grapple Dog. Look at him. He doesn’t deserve it. See his little paws, there, dangling out of that cannon? Tip of the iceberg. You haven’t seen his eagerness, his joie de vivre, as he swings between the many improbably-convenient floating grapple hook platforms of the world. You haven’t witnessed the plucky determination with which he clambers up wall after wall, no matter how many times he’s climbed them before. You haven’t admired his gumption as he bounces atop each polar bear head, or upon the still bouncier belly of every (unwilling) crab.
By the end of my seven hours with Grapple Dog, I wanted to strangle the bastard with his own goddamn hook.
