IF your love life needs some improvement, here are some helpful tips you shouldn’t ignore.
Regardless of whether you’re in a long-term relationship or seeing someone just for fun, communication plays a major role in understanding your partner.
Speaking to The Sun, Kaitlin Klarer — a sex coach and creator of Watch Girls Watch Porn and an educator on PornHub’s wellness channel — revealed five ways you can improve your love life.
Klarer, a 31-year-old sex coach with a Master’s degree in counseling, said communication is love’s key to success.
“We hear so much about communication in the world but it is truly the thing that will make or break a relationship,” she said.
The five ways Klarer suggests you can improve communication in a relationship are to share your true self, be empathetic of your partner, have a non-judgemental stance, be open-minded, and reciprocate love.
“It’s interesting to me that we oftentimes walk out into the world and think we’re portraying ourselves in a certain light,” Klarer told The Sun.
“Most of the time we’re having sex with other people, so it’s important to be able to communicate effectively with that other person.”
In order to have a more meaningful, higher-quality sex life, Klarer said “communication is the key.”
“This doesn’t have to be with a monogamous partner. It could be someone that you’re having fun with,” she noted.
Klarer suggests people have a non-judgemental stance when speaking to their significant others and offered an example of a time she gave advice to a man who said his wife was bad at performing oral sex.
When she asked the husband how he directed her and whether or not he gave feedback, she said his response was: “Oh no, I would never talk about something like that.”
The sexpert explained: “His wife didn’t have an issue with oral sex… They just had an issue with communication.
“It’s such a quick fix to change the way how we explain ourselves.
“It may be technically easy but emotionally difficult to do because there is a lot of risks to tell our partner.
“It could be perceived as rude or hurtful but in reality, you’re doing your party a disservice on how they can make you happy.”
She suggests someone in a situation like that ask their partner something along the lines of: “Hey, I would like it if you could do this better.”
Klarer said people are afraid to open up about the reality of what they desire because of the possibility they could be shut down.
According to Klarer, an educator for Pornhub Sexual Wellness Center: “If you’re in a relationship that is receptive — then us telling them our needs and wants will make them a better lover.”
She also urges people to avoid saying things that are “blaming.”
Instead of asking your partner “why are you so inconsiderate?” Klarer said it’s better to ask questions like: “I was just wondering what were your thoughts on that?” or “I’m not upset but I am curious about the things you were thinking.”
She said that way of asking offers curiosity instead of appearing as being closed off.
Klarer, who prides herself in enabling her clients to reach their full sexual potential, suggests people be empathetic when speaking to their partners.
“It’s a normal thing to be afraid to express yourself, especially if you’ve been living most of your life not expressing yourself without communicating,” she said.
The porn expert urges people to “know that it’s going to feel uncomfortable and embrace the discomfort.”
She continued: “It’s ok to get it out there and say, ‘I know that we have never talked about our sex life and I’m embarrassed by it – but I just want to talk about it.”
There are different love languages, which Klarer noted to be words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch, and people should be aware of what type of love their partner needs.
“One partner may be fulfilled by having a quality good time with the other person but there could be other people who need to be touched.
“A common problem is assuming their partner feels loves in the same way they feel love.
“It’s important to be able to ask your partner what makes you feel loved what makes you feel cared for.”
Communication plays an important role here has “sometimes people don’t ask and make assumptions,” Klarer explained.
“It would be helpful for all of us to walk out into the world and ask more questions about life, thoughts, feelings, then we’re going to have the ability to improve.”
In regards to whether porn can be beneficial in relationships, Klarer said: “Porn is a neutral thing and it can be good or bad depending on that specific person interacting with it.”
The sexpert likened porn to alcohol as it has risks to it.
One example is if men watch more porn, they may become more visual – which sometimes can result in them needing a higher rate of stimulation afterward, Klarer explained.
She said porn could act as a “helpful tool” for long-term couples who may be interested to learn about BDSM or other types of sexual activities.
And anyone who is interested in booking a free 15-minute consultation with Klarer can book a session online.
Klarer is a sex coach who works with both individual males/females and couples with sexual, relational, and intimacy problems.
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