DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always had a rather distant and formal relationship with my grandparents.
I visit them often, just out of a sense of familial obligation. These visits are solemn affairs with stern attention to my manners and no attempt at an emotional bond.
When I was a senior in high school, my mother told me that my grandparents would be paying for my undergraduate tuition expenses. I thanked them in person the next time I saw them. I went on to earn my bachelor’s degree, which opened the door to career success and financial stability, the latter of which I did not experience in my childhood.
As I have progressed into my 30s, I have witnessed how student debt can take a serious mental and physical toll on my peers. I have come to realize how incredibly fortunate I am to have emerged into adulthood debt-free. I have also become aware of the strict frugality my grandparents practiced in order to save such a large sum.
What should I do to thank them appropriately for this priceless gift, after nearly 10 years? They are not openly sentimental, and I don’t wish to offend them by discussing money.
How should I express the depth of my gratitude while I still have the opportunity?
GENTLE READER: Write a letter. Express what you have said here (omitting the part about them being stern and distant, and even about the money itself): “I’m not sure that I ever fully expressed my immense gratitude at the priceless gift that was my education …”
And then Miss Manners recommends that you go on to cite at least one fond memory of them from your childhood. Even if it is just the inoffensive smell of their cologne.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Before the pandemic, I applied for a promotion at my workplace. I was told that the job was mine, and I just had to wait for the paperwork to go through.
Then the pandemic hit. My employer instituted a hiring freeze, and the position vanished. I’ve asked a few times since then for an update, and was told that there was no news.
Because I don’t know if or when the position will reappear, I have been applying for other jobs. I expect to be getting an offer soon from a company that I interviewed with. The job is better than my current position, but not as good as the promotion that I was supposed to get. I’m worried that if I accept this job, the other position might materialize.
Is there a minimum length of time one should stay in a position before moving on to a better offer?
GENTLE READER: Promotions have a miraculous way of materializing just as one is making an earnest attempt to move on.
Ideally, you would work this out as a bargaining ploy with your current employer before your actual departure. But if that is not possible, Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with using the tactic on the new company as well — as long as this trend does not take on a ping-pong effect and continue indefinitely.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
