DEAR DEIDRE: WITH a loving wife, two sons, a wonderful home and a great job, I consider myself a lucky man. As a bonus, I also have a beautiful mistress. I was happy with this set-up until some of my family discovered my secret and now I’m worried it will all come spilling out. Some […]
DEAR DEIDRE: WITH a loving wife, two sons, a wonderful home and a great job, I consider myself a lucky man.
As a bonus, I also have a beautiful mistress.
I was happy with this set-up until some of my family discovered my secret and now I’m worried it will all come spilling out.
Some of those who know think I’m Superman for keeping everything spinning, while others think I’m disrespectful and taking the mick out of both women.
I am 42 and my wife is 41. We married ten years ago.
Our sons are nine and eight. I met my mistress, who is 34, five years ago.
Our city is small and I’ve been careful to cover my tracks.
However, my cousin saw me kissing my mistress and now he has told other cousins.
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Added to the stress, my mistress told me three months ago she is pregnant with my baby.
I’m trying to persuade her to move to Scotland to calm everything down.
She is thinking it over but I’m worried as I’m not sure our relationship would last as a long-distance one.
I was 100 per cent dedicated to my wife when we first married but after five years she hardly made any effort with me and our sex life was non-existent.
I met my mistress through our local swimming club. We got to know each other as we grabbed a coffee afterwards.
I couldn’t stop fantasising about having sex with her on the poolside.
I knew she fancied me too and one evening we met for a drink.
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We only had one glass before hurrying back to hers for sex.
It’s such a disaster. I love my wife and wouldn’t ever want to lose my sons but I’m terrified she might find out and I’ll lose my mistress and unborn child.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have created quite a mess and now it’s time to face the music and clear it up.
You shouldn’t try to force your girlfriend to move. She would be away from her support network, who she will need with a baby on the way.
As several family members know about your affair, it seems this news will come out sooner or later.
Your wife may at least respect you more for telling her yourself.
Telling her will be daunting and counselling would help you navigate some challenging decisions. BACP (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883300) can help with counsellors who will support you as you prepare to come clean.
You and your wife would benefit from counselling together too.
Check out Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960).
Once you have some clarity around your marriage, then you can decide your next steps.
