Much like the rest of the show, first dates in HBO's Girls were anything but conventional. The majority of them didn't involve a traditional dinner at a nice restaurant or a kiss on the cheek goodnight. Instead, they are messy, awkward, and often outrageously terrible for all parties involved. In some cases, going out with someone doesn't even involve leaving the house or having a conversation.
Girls shows the dating scene with an unfiltered realism that could never be called idealized or accused of shying away from the more uncomfortable sides of things. But for all the cringeworthy moments, there are a few that stand out above the rest.
Many fans eagerly awaited the Marnie and Booth hookup after the show built up the sexual tension between her and the artist during the first season. Booth even hypes up his skills by saying he knows what he's doing ... spoiler: he doesn't.
But the way to a girl's heart is not showing her bizarre images in a TV art installation. And it's definitely not asking her to describe having sex through the eyes of a creepy doll. Turning your date into a pretentious art show is the surest path to her laughing in your face when it's over.
During a trip with Jessa to see her family, Hannah meets her friend's stepbrother, Frank. Her meeting his adorable pet rabbit could be charming, but her unknowingly eating it during dinner ruins the mood, especially the part where she spits it out into her hand as Frank looks on with a pained expression.
Another way to make a bad impression is to run into a graveyard in the woods, then talk about dying and ghosts, while hooking up. At that point, anything resembling a romantic mood is lost to the horror movie backdrop.
While out at a bar, Marnie and Jessa meet Thomas-John when he buys them a drink. It's clear he's very excited to live out his threesome fantasy with the two women.
However, trying to create a sexy setting while throwing a temper tantrum about wanting to be included as part of the group transforms any attractive man into a whiny toddler. And no woman wants to deal with that. Unless you're Jessa, who marries him shortly after. But in most cases, acting like an immature man-child is a deal-breaker.
When Matt recognizes Shoshanna on the street as a childhood friend from summer camp, the interaction has the makings of a great romantic rekindling.
Some women are turned on by a man's confidence in pleasing them, but them describing it as weird and indicating there have been many women they've done this to before makes it feel like a cheap date, especially when they break things off when the woman admits she's a virgin. There's no faster way to end a relationship than telling someone not to get too attached.
In Season 4, Hannah gets a job as a substitute and connects with Fran, a history teacher at the school. Fran makes it clear he's not interested in drama. Naturally, the solution to avoiding drama is to take your new guy to an art exhibition put on by your ex's current girlfriend knowing he'll be there.
Nobody can blame Fran for booking it out of there when caught between Hannah and her ex arguing. This is exactly the kind of drama that should wait for at least the third date ... or preferably, never.
When an unknown number texts her, Jessa replies, telling the person to join her at a warehouse party in Bushwick. No great date ever starts off with texting someone that you don't know your location. While it's not an ax murderer that shows up, it's the next worst thing: the father of the kids Jessa nannies for, making him both much older and her employer.
Despite the impending disaster, the date continues until Jessa is disgusted with Jeff weeping in front of her. Many women would've been turned off by now, but Jessa sticks with it until any kind of chemistry is properly extinguished for good.
No great love story ever starts off with calling a potential partner stupid, especially when they find out about it. Parker believes Shoshanna when she lies to his face, claiming none of it was true. Of course, another checkmark of a doomed relationship is lying.
Shoshanna loves to plan, but there are wrong times to try to coordinate schedules, and during sex is one of them. So it isn't abnormal when Parker wants to press pause on their conversation. What is surprising is Shoshanna ending the relationship in response and yet telling him to continue with their physical activity. There's no great way to break up, but there's certainly a wrong one ... and it's whatever this is.
While visiting her parents in Michigan, Hannah runs into a pharmacy to pick up her mom's hormone medication. Not a sexy moment for a run-in with a guy who she used to go to high school with.
But Eric isn't the only one who took this date to a new level of awkward. Hannah getting a little too graphic during sex put the nail in the coffin for any future dates. Between learning a bit too much about Hannah's mom to her weird descriptive sexy talk, this relationship was doomed before it began.
When Jessa thinks she's pregnant, she bails on her appointment at a clinic to go to a bar, where she meets Morgan. To Jessa, he is the perfect distraction, and she gets hot and heavy with him in the bar bathroom. Besides the obvious issue of not confronting her feelings, it's what happens next that makes this date epically bad.
The moment he starts to touch her, he discovers she has her period. Despite Jessa's joyful moment of realizing she isn't pregnant, this is a desperate quickie in a bar bathroom with a stranger who is repulsed by her. That's hardly anyone's idea of romance, and unsurprisingly, Morgan is never seen again.
It should go without saying, but the beginning of a tryst should never start with asking your drug addicted neighbor for drugs. Even while clean, Laird drops so many red flags that they can be seen from space. He mentions checking Hannah's mail, listening to her in her apartment, and knowing her daily schedule. This should be enough to scare her off, but if stalking her didn't do the trick, nothing will.
Not even Laird crying in the store when Hannah catches him following her. The only solution here is to avoid Laird completely. Too bad that Hannah didn't pick up on the message.
