A MUM experienced every parent’s worst nightmare when her two kids walked in on her doing the deed with her husband.
Jessica Hood, an Australian mum-of-four, then “played dead” in a bid to throw her little ones off – but it didn’t exactly go to plan.
The mum took to her Instagram on Thursday to let her followers know of the moment she was thought to be suffering from a cardiac arrest.
And not in a positive way because she was “mid thrust”.
“It’s 9.30pm on a Wednesday what could possibly go wrong? Little bit of nookie never hurt anyone right?” she began her hilarious post.
“I thought my heart couldn’t race any faster during such an intimate moment but now I’m on the verge of cardiac arrest.
“No amount of chairs or even a chested draw was gonna stop it. It was like a stampede of elephants except there was no warning. I mean why would there be?! They’re meant to be asleep!”
Then it happened, her kids barged into her room while Jessica’s legs were “sky high” but explained her husband Karl’s “pastey white ass” was blocking her “5’oclock shadow”.
Otherwise “it could have been so much worse.”
She said her mum instinct kicked in and she did what anyone else would do in the situation – she played dead.
“I even threw a little bit of the tongue out the side of my mouth. YEP I actually did that. Lost my dignity and any sense I had too during my most valuable time.
“Reaching around for a blanket Karl flew over me like batman with his cape, hiding any evidence of the act.”
Well, so she thought.
“So were we quick enough? What did they see? Oh my God they’re going to be in therapy for life!!”
The blogger said her children are young but not as innocent as she would like to think.
“Lily is 7 and already gives the impression she knows a lot!” the Melbourne mum wrote.
I thought my heart couldn’t race any faster during such an intimate moment but now I’m on the verge of cardiac arrest.
Jessica Hood
The kids asked what they were doing to which her husband responded, “We are play fighting. I’m giving mummy a massage.”
“Karl then tells them to get back to bed and our act of love seems to go unnoticed without any questions.”
“That was until I heard Lily walking off with Logan up the hallway, she giggles Mum and Dad were doing sex.”
“Then Logan lets out a big laugh. Just wonderful! I’ve scarred my kids for life, either that or I’ve set them up for a life of ‘blackmailing Mummy and Daddy’.”
Jessica said children are more clued on than what some parents may think and joked with her followers not to be surprised if next week they have a pony in their backyard and a brand new swimming pool.
“Tomorrow will be an interesting day. I plan to act like nothing happened and stick to ‘story’,” she said, adding “if all else fails I could just play dead … right?”
This story was originally published on News.com.au and has been republished with permission.
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