No King of the Hill character was as paranoid as Dale Gribble; these are his 10 best conspiracy theories.
"Open Up Your Eyes, Man." Exterminator Dale Gribble is the resident conspiracy theorist on King of the Hill, Fox's long-running animated series from Mike Judge. When he isn't killing bugs, Gribble spends most of his free time researching his half-brained ideas – ideas he loves to share with his neighbors over beers.
To say Dale Gribble is paranoid is an understatement. Gribble lives in constant fear the American government is scheming against him, and he goes to great lengths to find ways to fulfill his delusions. Over King of the Hill's 13 season run, Gribble managed to get himself in trouble multiple times because of his beliefs.
Hank Hill makes a major miscalculation when he steals Dale's brand new lawnmower, the Allegro X9J, after Dale won't stop showing it off. Hank, a man who believes in respecting yard equipment, is angered over Dale's callous treatment of the Allegro.
The paranoid Dale becomes convinced the lawnmower was stolen as part of a vast conspiracy involving Cubans, and it doesn't help matters that Hank goads Dale with fake clues and photos. Eventually, Dale has a nervous breakdown and finds himself in a standoff with police at Arlen Community College.
Dale goes on a crazed tangent about the weather in the pilot episode of King of the Hill. On a hot Texas summer day, Dale tries his best to convince Hank the United Nations controls the weather remotely.
According to Dale, global warming is part of the UN's vast plot to control the world. Hank tells Dale if it gets any hotter in Texas, he'll kick Dale's proverbial behind.
In order to avoid a confrontation with Hank, Dale weaves quite a spectacular tale. "So it turns out I'm not the actual Dale Gribble, but a clone of him," he tells his neighbor.
Hank is quick to dispel Dale's story, listing four reasons why Dale is not a robotic clone. The most salient reason: "You're not gonna clone a super-warrior out of a guy who can't even win a thumb-wrestling match."
After agreeing to give his kidney to a 10-year-old boy who will die without a new one, Dale works himself in a frenzy at the hospital. High on anesthesia and various medications, Dale becomes convinced the hospital really wants to harvest his organs.
Dale escapes his hospital bed in search of his kidney, which he insists needs to be surgically placed back into his body. As it usually goes, Hank arrives on the scene to set Dale straight.
One year, the Super Bowl coincides with a special performance from Hank's niece, Luanne, who wants to showcase her family-friendly puppet shows The Manger Babies. Hank is torn between viewing into his favorite sports event of the year and supporting his family member.
Dale tries to assuage Hank's anxiety by telling him, "The Super Bowl was pre-taped six months ago in the same Nevada hangar where they faked the moon landing." Hank doesn't buy it.
Dale prides himself on being the ultimate spy, a man who constantly surveils everyone on Rainey Street. Somehow, Dale remains in the dark about his wife Nancy's affair with John Redcorn, and he raises Joseph as his son – even though it's obvious Joseph looks just like Redcorn.
Instead of accepting the truth, Dale develops a bonkers theory about his son. Joseph is really an alien, and Dale wants the teenager to accept his heritage.
When Boomhauer ends up in an asylum after passing out during a river float and making his way to downtown Dallas, Dale and Bill go to their friend's rescue. However, both men end up institutionalized themselves before they can save their friend.
With an audience of psychiatrists to hear his half-brained ideas, Dale shares conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory, including one about peanut allergies. "The peanuts are emitting toxins as an evolutionary defense mechanism," he claims. "They're tired of being eaten, and now they're fighting back."
When Hank experiences issues with United States Post Office and the DMV, Dale lays it all out for him. "The U.S. Postal Service is bogged down in the most elaborate psyops campaign in history," Dale explains.
He then tells Hank, "first they fatten us up with all those 2-for-1 pizza coupons, then when we're too logy to put up a fight, they sell us off to the Red Cross, who removes our kidneys, which go back on the pizzas to start the process all over again."
Hank becomes the unfortunate recipient of an erroneous late charge for a pornographic video he never rented from Arlen Video. Soon, Hank finds himself on every X-rated mailing list in the country.
A downtrodden Hank lets Dale regale him with stories about The Beast, a sentient computer system responsible for ruining Hank's life. It's all, of course, part of a vast global information conspiracy.
It's obvious Dale doesn't get out of Arlen very much, so it makes sense he would raise questions about the existence of the 50th state. In fact, Dale has the guts to ask, "Is there any proof that Hawaii actually exists?"
There is plenty of proof Hawaii exists. Just ask any of the state's 1.4 million residents, Mr. Gribble, or the cast of Hawaii-Five-0.
