DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD great sex with an ex. It was on a whim but now she wants a repeat and has threatened to tell my girlfriend what we did if I don’t agree.
I’m 33 and used to go out with this girl when we worked for a maintenance firm. I hadn’t seen her for nearly five years when I bumped into her in the street at the start of the year.
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She has turned 30 but was looking amazing and I was so pleased to see she had been taking good care of herself.
I had finished with her quite abruptly, by text, as I felt it was getting too deep. She was in pieces and handed in her notice so that she wouldn’t have to still see me. I felt really bad.
We chatted a while and she said she was married now with a three-year-old son. That made me feel relieved. Then she said her house was quite near and asked me to look at her boiler. That’s what I do for a job so I felt I couldn’t say no.
I re-set the pressure for her and she said she owed me a favour. When I turned around, she had undone her top and was showing her black, lacy bra.
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I know it was stupid but I felt I couldn’t reject her again, plus she looked hot. Her son was at pre-school so we had sex in the lounge. It was great but I told her we couldn’t do it again. She looked sad and said her husband was rough with her and often away — but she said she agreed.
Meanwhile I had just started seeing a girl. It was all going great and I thought it was going to be big. Sure enough, when the lockdown began, she suggested I move in with her — which I did. Despite all the worry of Covid, it’s been the best time of my life.
But now my ex has been sending me texts saying she misses my body. She’s even sent photos of herself nude. I told her to stop and she threatened to tell my girlfriend about us. I said I would tell her husband if she did and I think she’s backed off.
But I’m so stressed and hate her for what she is putting me through — but hate myself too. I’m wondering if I should be honest with my girlfriend.
DEIDRE SAYS: You must take your share of responsibility, knowing how deeply your ex felt about you. She sounds emotionally needy.
Tell her the two of you made a mistake, as you each have a partner, but say she deserves to be treated with love and respect.
If her husband is a bully, suggest she finds support through Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline (nationaldahelpline.org.uk, 0808 2000 247).
Cheating is wrong and you can’t change what’s done but you can learn. If there’s a chance your ex will contact your girlfriend, it’s probably better you get in first. Otherwise, keep your counsel and put fresh energy into your relationship.
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