DON’T be young in this country.
Don’t be an 18-year-old looking to get the A levels you deserve. Don’t be a young jobseeker ready to graft for your living amid the worst recession in our history.
Don’t even dream of being a young couple looking to get on the first rung of the property ladder — not unless your names are Harry and Meghan.
Coronavirus has been merciless among the elderly but what a miserable time to be young!
Your summer, your social life, your fun — all quarantined, cancelled or regulated to death.
This Government has had five months to prepare for this week’s A level results and yet Education Secretary Gavin Williamson has the shifty air of someone who just did his homework on the bus.
Would you want to entrust Mr Williamson with the rest of your life?
For the first time ever, A levels were estimated by a combination of teacher predictions and computer algorithms.
And while A and A* grades were up, so was the heartbreak among countless thousands of smart, hard-working 18-year-olds who felt like their lives had been stolen.
The devastating, life-rending disappointment was far worse among the students who come from poor backgrounds.
The bitterly cruel fact is that the more underprivileged the student, the more likely this year’s flawed system was to kick them in the teeth.
Samantha Smith, 18, of Telford, Shropshire, has been homeless for two years and dreams of studying law at Cardiff University.
Samantha was hoping for three straight A grades — but was given estimated grades of B, E and U.
“When I saw my grades it was as if my spirit had been crushed,” Samantha said. “Luckily, Cardiff said they were impressed by my application and to call back once I’ve appealed my grades. So fingers crossed.”
Samantha’s disappointment has been repeated around the country. But this bright, hard-working young woman should not have to keep her fingers crossed about her future.
The grown-ups should have devised a better, fairer system that allows her to get on with her life.
Yes, even in the middle of a global health pandemic.
Jeremy Clarkson always posts his own A level results on exams day — a C and two Us, a happy reminder that you can still have the career you want and the life you dream of without great A level grades.
As someone who did even worse at school than Jeremy — I did A levels for just one morning before dropping out — and then had the career I craved, I know how he feels.
But when Jeremy and I were young bucks, there was social mobility in this country.
That has gone the way of platform boots and banana rationing.
These days, if you want to get ahead, you better get the best education you can.
Now, because of the chaos around A level results, even that last ladder has been kicked away for the class of 2020.
Boris has surrounded himself with mediocre yes-men who can’t cut the mustard. Where are all the whiplash-smart grown-ups?
The younger generation — who want to learn, who want to work — have been let down by tenth-rate politicians.
The young deserve fairness in the exams system.
They need apprenticeships and real jobs. They need a level playing field so they can compete with Old Etonians. Must do better, Boris.
And if you and your mediocre yes-men can’t do better, then the Red Wall will bury you.
THERE’S a theory that your favourite James Bond is the first one you ever saw. Perhaps it is true.
It’s the only explanation for an online poll of 14,000 fans by the Radio Times that has left 007 fans feeling shaken and shtunned, Pussy.
Sean Connery came out on top – no surprise there – but Timothy Dalton was an unlikely second while Pierce Brosnan was a jaw-dropping third.
Daniel Craig came nowhere. And that’s just silly.
Hardcore Bond fans always resent Craig because downbeat Dan acts as if playing Bond is a terrible burden he must bear.
This doesn’t go down well with the fan base.
Craig hangs up his bow tie after No Time To Die – current release date November 12 – and has been a great Bond, taking the character far closer to the hard nut 007 of Ian Fleming’s novels.
Give credit where it’s due – even Craig’s nipples rippled.
Rapper Cardi B’s new music video for WAP has provoked a furious backlash, including a change.org petition demanding Kylie is cut from the film.
Kylie’s offence? She is accused of cultural appropriation, because WAP is supposedly a celebration of black female sexuality, and Kylie is not black.
“Not everything is about race,” Cardi B insists.
The petition has 70,000 signatures while the video for WAP has been watched by almost 12 million people – suggesting that most folk agree with Cardi B.
To my ears, raised on Debbie Harry and Donna Summer, WAP sounds closer to porn than pop.
The cleanest line in it is: “I want you to park that big Mack truck in this little garage.”
The real controversy is – should children really be listening to this filth?
JOE Biden and Mick Jagger are both 77. But the Democratic presidential candidate is not 77 in the same way that the Stones’ singer is 77.
Biden looks – and frequently sounds – every one of his years.
If Biden beats Trump he would be 78 by the time of his inauguration – the oldest President in American history.
So there is unprecedented interest in Biden’s running mate – Kamala Harris, 55 – and not just because she is the first black woman to be a presidential running mate.
Biden even calls himself a “transitional” figure.
He will not commit to seeking a second term in 2024 – when he would be 82 – and says that Harris is “ready to lead”.
Most “experts” think Biden will beat Trump but, for the life of me, I truly can’t see it.
For all of Trump’s bluster and incompetence and crassness, he doesn’t seem as if he is on his last legs.
And Joe Biden does.
If I was an American voter, I would be reluctant to vote for a presidential candidate who talks about himself as if he has one foot in the Oval Office and the other in the grave.
GILLIAN Anderson will play Margaret Thatcher in the next series of The Crown.
“Taking on someone who is as hated as much as Thatcher is a whole other thing,” gasps Gillian.
Spoken like a true luvvie, Gillian.
You have to be a fully paid-up woke thespian to think Thatcher was nothing but hated.
She won three general elections, Gillian.
Which you could say makes Maggie more beloved than The Crown.
“HARRY deeply craves normalcy,” we learn from Finding Freedom, the sugar-coated biography of Harry and Meghan, published this week.
Oh Harry! I reckon “normalcy” is the last thing you crave.
Whatever “normalcy” is – is it the same as normality? – it is not buying an £11million starter home in a celebrity enclave of Santa Barbara, California with 16 bathrooms.
Normalcy is worrying how you will ever own a house of your own.
Normalcy is not being bankrolled by Daddy when you are a married father in your thirties.
Normalcy is paying your own way.
Normalcy is not living a life of inherited luxury, never waking up in the middle of the night worried sick about paying the bills.
Harry, mate – enjoy your lush life with Oprah Winfrey as a neighbour, and your trips on George Clooney’s private jet, and the unimaginable privilege that apparently weighs so heavily on your shoulders.
Everything you have has been handed to you on a silver platter.
So never kid yourself that you want “normalcy”. You would hate it.
BEN & JERRY’S has criticised Priti Patel on its social media accounts, chastising the Home Secretary for not laying down the red carpet to all the illegal immigrants currently paddling across the Channel.
A bit presumptuous.
Does Priti tell the ice cream brand, now owned by Unilever, how to make its Pretzel Palooza or Caramel Chew Chew?
I like a bit of Ben & Jerry’s.
But if it is going to try to determine UK immigration policy, then make mine a Magnum.
FOR nearly half a century, legendary Sun photographer Arthur Edwards has taken pictures of the Royal Family.
Arthur, who turned 80 this week, has produced a body of work that records forever the changing face of the Royal Family.
Happy birthday, Arthur!
Your unforgettable images have bridged the gap between journalism and history.
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