DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS thrilled when my husband gave me a “tree of love” charm for Christmas but devastated when I found a receipt showing he bought two. He gave the other one to a woman he does Parkruns with. We celebrated our silver wedding last summer but have been going through a rough patch since […]
DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS thrilled when my husband gave me a “tree of love” charm for Christmas but devastated when I found a receipt showing he bought two.
He gave the other one to a woman he does Parkruns with.
We celebrated our silver wedding last summer but have been going through a rough patch since my mum had a cancer diagnosis.
She is going to be OK but I was worried sick for a while.
I knew my husband felt pushed to one side but I have always loved him and trusted him.
He has got into staying fit since he turned 50 and does Parkruns. He is 52 now and I am 47.
He helps to organise the runs now and once made a comment that one of the women involved is very attractive. She’s 36.
Towards the end of last year, he never had his mobile phone out of his hand.
When I went to look up a cinema time on it, I found he’d put a password on it. He’d never had one before.
He started having nights out — apparently with workmates — though he had never done that before either.
I was relieved and touched when he gave me this charm, though disappointed he wasn’t any more loving when we were together.
And he still went out “with workmates” even while he was off work for Christmas.
I felt more and more anxious.
When he was supposedly out with the guys from work one night, I went through his work bag and found this receipt for two charms.
I knew then there was another woman in his life.
I tackled him the next morning.
At first he denied everything but then admitted he’d given the other charm to the woman he likes at the Parkruns.
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He insists they haven’t had sex and says he felt sorry for her because her son got caught selling drugs.
It was only a small amount but he has been thrown out of school and she is in bits, he says.
Since then I haven’t slept or eaten properly.
I want to confront her but he begs me not to.
He says he will have no contact with her again but he isn’t giving up the Parkruns as he says that’s the highlight of his week.
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DEIDRE SAYS: There is little point playing detective and trying to find out exactly what happened with the other woman.
Focus more on what had got lost between the two of you.
My e-leaflet Your Relationship MoT should help.
But be firm that you will struggle to regain your closeness and intimacy if he is still seeing the other woman.
He must either join a different Parkrun or your local running club.
He owes you that much – and a different charm to show his love.
I’m sure you want to bin that one.
