Military Times Editor Writes Scathing Takedown of Roland Emmerich’s ‘Midway’
Roland Emmerich’s World War II action drama “Midway” surprised the industry by topping the weekend box office with a $17.5 million debut, a step up from projections that reported the film was heading for around $15 million. While the success of “Midway” was a win for Lionsgate (the studio also has “Knives Out” opening over Thanksgiving), the film was greeted with some of the worst film reviews of 2019. IndieWire senior film critic David Ehrlich called “Midway” bland in his C- review, but that’s nothing compared to the fury the film elicited out of Military Times writer and editor J.D. Simkins. Prior to Military Times, Simkins worked as a Marine scout observer from 2004-2008.
“Spoilers, in this case, simply do not matter. If you shell out your hard-earned money to see this film, you are spoiling your own life and ruining the joy of those in your company,” Simkins wrote in his scathing Military Times review. “Use the 2 hours, 18 minutes to instead do something more enjoyable, like repeatedly smashing your face into a wall.”
Simkins was even more hostile on social media, reacting to the film by writing, “The dialogue. What’s the worst written movie you’ve ever witnessed? Multiply that by 200. A chimpanzee learning American sign language could have concocted a better script.”
“Midway” tells the true story of Pearl Harbor’s aftermath and the eponymous Battle of Midway, in which the United States Navy fended off an attacking fleet of the Imperial Japanese Navy. Emmerich’s cast includes Ed Skrein, Patrick Wilson, Luke Evans, Mandy Moore, Woody Harrelson, Nick Jonas, Darren Criss, and more.
“This writing. This research. This fact-checking. The terminology. The timeline. The acting. The CGI. The sound. Every department who participated in this film should be sent into deep space,” Simkins wrote of the film. “If Roland Emmerich took three seconds away from schmoozing with Chinese studio heads to learn basic American history and geography, we’d all be better.”
Read Simkins’ “Midway” review in its entirety on the Military Times website.
Where to begin…
The dialogue. What’s the worst written movie you’ve ever witnessed? Multiply that by 200.
A chimpanzee learning American sign language could have concocted a better script.
— J.D. Simkins (@simkinsjourno) November 8, 2019
“Let me put a 500-lb bomb right down their god damn smoke stack” was a real line.
The entire script was a collection cliches.
“Sir, the Japanese are retreating.”
Nimitz: “We won.”*Roll credits. Literally the last real line of dialogue is a hollow “We won.”
— J.D. Simkins (@simkinsjourno) November 8, 2019
Please be more stereotypical of the Japanese, too.
“He is ordering us to charge, like the Samurai, to save our honor.”
This was another real line in the film.
— J.D. Simkins (@simkinsjourno) November 8, 2019
We got a Jonas brother telling New York and red neck sailors to not be afraid because, hey, you can die in any fashion at any time, so why worry?
I was praying it was choking on popcorn for me to put me out of my misery.
— J.D. Simkins (@simkinsjourno) November 8, 2019
The Japanese Navy even executes an American prisoner in the movie (RIP Nick Jonas — and fuck spoilers. This movie will spoil your life) by tying an anchor to his hands and throwing him in the ocean, which is actual tame, historically speaking.
Let’s dedicate this film, Roland.
— J.D. Simkins (@simkinsjourno) November 8, 2019
If Roland Emmerich took 3 seconds away from shmoozing with Chinese studio heads to learn basic American history and geography, we’d all be better.
Never forget, Dennis Quaid in Emmerich’s “Day After Tomorrow” walked… WALKED… from DC to Philadelphia in a day … in an ice age
— J.D. Simkins (@simkinsjourno) November 8, 2019