AS we’re sure all parents out there will agree, dealing with your child’s bodily fluids is a gross yet key part of the job. Well brace yourselves mums and dads because one woman is about to trump all over parenting horror stories put together. Mum-of-three Brittany Berry, 33, from Kentucky, USA, decided to spend an afternoon […]
AS we’re sure all parents out there will agree, dealing with your child’s bodily fluids is a gross yet key part of the job.
Well brace yourselves mums and dads because one woman is about to trump all over parenting horror stories put together.
Mum-of-three Brittany Berry, 33, from Kentucky, USA, decided to spend an afternoon in the park with two of her daughters last week when one of them suffered what can only be described as a “poop-trophe”.
Describing the incident in a hilarious Facebook post, Brittany recalled how she noticed her daughter Sadie’s shorts were “wet” – but initially thought “she’d peed out of her diaper”.
However, it didn’t take long for the mum to realise that she was dealing with a much more serious situation – although she was still convinced she had the skills to cope with the “poop-trophe” at hand.
She joked: “I’m talking one of them poops you usually see in a newborn, where it’s all up then back and down their legs and you contemplate just throwing the whole baby away.”
“Still I’m not panicked, been there, done that, multiple times.”
The gravity of the situation only dawned on Brittany when she had just four wipes left to deal with the mess which was running down her daughter’s legs.
She continued: “This isn’t a four wipe kind of poop it’s pressure washer or open fire hydrant kind of poop.
“So I start looking for more wipes in the van.
“At this point, Sadie’s just standing there naked in an empty (thank God) parking lot, with poop up her back in her hair, down her legs to her knees, even on her shoes, because taking her clothes off did not go as smoothly as one would hope.”
To make matters worse, Sadie used this as an opportunity to have one more go on the slide while her mother’s back was turned.
Brittany continued: “Then I hear it that painful SQQQUUUEEEAAAKKKKK of skin getting stuck to a plastic slide on the way down.
“I look up and yes, of course, it’s Sadie. She’s going down the slide, butt naked, COVERED in poop, leaving a long skid mark of poop allllllll the way down on her way.
“At this point I just give up. I chase down Layla, wrap Sadie in a blanket and buckle them in their car seats and leave.”
It’s at this point that the mum realised that Sadie may have contracted a stomach virus from her younger sister and didn’t want to leave the “possibly contagious faeces” all over the playground.
Unsure what to do, Brittany went to her house five minutes away and picked up some more wipes before rushing back to clean up the poo.
“We get there and there’s still no one else at the park,” she added. “I got the bottom and the main top easily, but the middle of the slide I could not reach.
I look up and yes, of course, it’s Sadie. She’s going down the slide, butt naked, COVERED in poop, leaving a long skid mark of poop allllllll the way down on her way…
Brittany Berry
“I tried to climb up it, but was unsuccessful. Keep in mind I’m REALLY out of shape.
“Eventually, I get the brilliant idea to go down the slide and wipe as I go.I did not look elegant or attractive, I’m sure.
“When I get to the bottom, I’m finally satisfied with my cleaning job.
“I turn and see a car parked, a family, all of them with glaring at me.
“I dunno how long they were there. I never heard them pull up. They never got out of the car.
“I genuinely think that we’re afraid of me, after all, I was an overweight seemingly childless adult, on children’s playground equipment.”
But if that wasn’t bad enough, Brittany then realised she was no covered in her daughter’s poo too.
She concluded: “Anyway, now dying of embarrassment, I rush to throw away my wipes and get in the van. I look down and realise there’s poop all over my shirt.
“Of course, I went down feet first. My clothes got the bulk of the poop.
“I am NOT getting that on my seat belt. I am not getting a ticket or dying from not wearing a seat belt, no matter how short the drive.
“So I do the only thing I can think to do.
“I drive home in my bra.
“That family is scarred for life I’m sure.
“We’re all home now, we’re alive, showered, traumatized, but okay.
“Moral of the story? Always bring extra wipes, extra clothes, extra blankets, extra everything!
“Don’t clean out your car, ever.
“And if you aren’t mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared to roll around in another person’s feces… use a condom. You’re welcome!”
In other parenting news, we told you how shoppers are in a frenzy after Marks and Spencer reduces kids’ school uniforms to 89p… and one mum says she’s bagged ‘£270 worth of clothing for £20’.
We also revealed you can now buy celebratory Yankee Candles to give as ‘congratulations’ gifts after someone has a baby girl or boy.
And we showed you a nine-month-old girl trying spinach for the first time– and she is NOT impressed.
