WITH a £500million empire and a raft of A-list pals, Simon Cowell has long been one of Britain’s most recognisable men . . . but his latest look is more striking than ever.
The TV supremo showed off the results of his latest lifestyle changes at America’s Got Talent this week.
He’s cut out sugar, gone vegan and been doing 500 press-ups a day, prompting a hefty weight loss.
And I must admit, I’ve been inspired by his example.
I’ve always loved Simon, who has been charming and professional on the many occasions we have met – not to mention rich and hugely successful.
So I decided to be just like him . . . in mind AND body. But his look doesn’t come easy, as I discovered when I set out to emulate the media mogul on a slightly tighter budget.
I settle on a Dulux shade somewhere between “Cocoa Powder” and “Conker” before booking myself a beautician for an all-over varnish.
Next, it’s off to a top London dentist to give my teeth a sparkling overhaul.
I settle into the chair for a thorough drilling. No pain, no gain, folks.
By now I can feel myself turning into Simon.
And with a furious click of my fingers, I demand a petrified assistant fetch me my Botox.
I want to say, “Pump me with success!” but I fail to get the words out, as the needle pokes terrifyingly close to my right eyeball.
By now I’m more manufactured than one of Simon’s pop acts but I’m loving every second as I strut down the high street.
Who cares if it’s just a carrot and an iceberg for lunch – or that I struggle to do a single press-up? I’m a star, darlings.
And I’m going to start acting like one.
So much so, I’ve channelled my inner Cowell and written today’s column in the style of the man himself.
I think I’ve nailed it.
WANT to get the look? Of course you do.
Check out Smilepod for the high-gloss Diamond Shine treatment, £95, Glaucia Minei at Smilepod for the Botox, from £199, and beauty expert Lauren Naylor for the glowing tan.
CHERYL, darling, I’ve got some awful news.
After years of being stood side by side at Madame Tussauds, our waxworks are to be separated.
I was making my weekly visit to check on mine — same time every Thursday — when I noticed how lonely he looked. Yours has vanished.
As the star of my fabulous new BBC show The Greatest Dancer — back on screens later this year and the ratings are sensational — you should be pride of place alongside me.
Even Louis Walsh and Sharon Osbourne are still there, for God’s sake.
But a rep at Madame Tussauds insisted your absence wasn’t up for negotiation, saying: “Our Cheryl figure is currently being stored in the London archives.
“This isn’t uncommon for our figures, as from time to time we do change who we have in the attraction.
“We are constantly reviewing our collection of figures to best represent what our visitors want to see.”
Well, I’m appalled. Who do they think they are, taking you out of the limelight? (I’m still sorry about that whole X Factor USA thing, by the way.)
But this can’t stand — and I want to put things right.
Maybe a stint back on The X Factor will give you a bit of a popularity boost.
You can NEVER be on too many of my shows, as I well know.
Give me a ring soon, darling.
WHEN I got a selfie with my good mate Noel Gallagher, his slightly swearier younger brother Liam had a dig and said that we couldn’t hang out any more.
I don’t know if I’ll listen to his new song One Of Us now.
And Liam has blown his chances of performing on The X Factor once and for all.
That’ll show him.
FOR years, I’ve been picked on for my fashion choices by people who know nothing about style. But finally I have been vindicated.
Tom Ford is one of the biggest designers in the world, so he knows a thing or two about clothes.
And this week he finally admitted he has been following in my fashionable footsteps all this time. Or at least that’s what he meant to say.
Tom told Vogue: “I wear the same things day after day. I take them off at night and hang them up on a thing nobody uses any more, a valet de nuit.
“I put my jacket on it, I flip my pants over it, I dump my pockets out and then the next morning, I just put it all back on.”
Well . . . thank you very much, Tom. So where is my 50 per cent?
YOU all know I’m a pop guy – I mean, I’ve made millions from One Direction, Little Mix, Olly Murs and so on.
So I wasn’t impressed Ed Sheeran – one of my faves but not a money-spinner for moi, annoyingly – has been knocked off the No1 album spot by some weirdo masked group called Slipknot. Hideous.
We Are Not Your Kind is their first No1 record in 18 years.
I wonder if they’ll do X Factor All Stars next year.
With a snappy dance routine and a makeover, they might have a future.
