DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD wonderful sex with my ex when he dropped by to visit our son but then he went back to his girlfriend and left me confused.
We were together for many years and our son is now nine.
He’s 36 and I’m 34. Of course we both got a bit moody at times but I thought we were made for each other, especially in bed.
When our son was just five I found out my husband had been cheating on me with someone he’d met down the pub.
I could have accepted he’d made a mistake if he’d said he was sorry and promised that he wouldn’t cheat on me ever again.
Instead, he said our marriage had been a mistake and he left us to move in with that woman.
It seemed like the end of the world but I had to get on with my life.
He took our son out once a week and, beyond that, we didn’t speak for more than three years.
Then he messaged me out of the blue asking if we could meet for a drink to “discuss a few things”.
After five minutes of talking, it was clear things had changed.
He said I looked lovely and he’d missed me, and he felt trapped where he was. We had a few drinks and that sexual connection between us had not gone away.
We’re having a wonderful sexy affair and I’m not feeling guilty as his girlfriend started it all when she did the same thing to me.
She’s very suspicious and accused him of cheating even before he was with me.
The sex with him now is just out of this world. The thought of us being a family with our child again makes me burst with happiness but I know my family would struggle if we got together again.
They can’t forgive him for the hurt that he caused and I’m scared he’ll hurt me again.
What do you think I should do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Be very careful. Why has he come back to you after so long away? What made his girlfriend think he was cheating on her? Perhaps he was.
He cheated on you, now he’s cheating on her. It looks like a pattern. He starts to feel trapped whomever he’s with. If you let him come back, how long before he’s feeling trapped yet again?
You’re enjoying the sex but you want more. Try stopping the sex while he’s still with that girl. Ask him why, if he no longer loves her, he doesn’t just leave?
He sounds like a user to me, someone who keeps his options open and, mainly, thinks about what’s best for him.
Did he seriously consider his son when he fancied a change?
It will take forbearance but try to keep their relationship strong throughout whatever happens between the two of you.
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