My partner has been having cyber sex but I accidentally deleted the evidence

DEAR DEIDRE: THERE was evidence on my partner’s computer that he had been having cyber sex with another woman, but I deleted it by mistake. He now refuses point blank to own up.

I am 42, he’s 45 and we have been together for three years.

Alamy

We were talking about his ex-wife one day and he confessed she left after catching him cheating with other women via webcam.

I was shocked. He promised he’d learned his lesson – he lost his wife and his children.

I started checking his phone but never found anything.

But he is always secretive about his laptop so I checked it one day when he went to work.

The history had links to a webcam site with a woman in her 20s.

I was that upset, I was shaking and terrified he would see that I’d looked.

I clicked to close it down but deleted the site instead by mistake.

All I can think of is him having cyber sex with another woman.

When I confronted him, he got angrier than I have ever seen him before but, of course, I could prove nothing.

Why is he doing this to me? Does he have feelings for this other woman?

DEIDRE SAYS: Most likely he enjoys webcam sex because he’s not comfortable with real emotional intimacy.

This is more about his absence of feeling rather than having feelings for another woman.

The reason he reacted so angrily to you catching him out is because it must have reminded him of his ex-wife catching him and the catastrophe that caused.

My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains how it’s possible to get through this crisis, but only if he is willing to admit to his secret life and work with you to rebuild trust.

You’ll need to be firm that’s what it will take.

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