Ladies, it’s time to fake our own deaths. Love Is Blind: UK sent its couples down the aisle this week, and as many of us suspected, Freddie the Hot Funeral Director decided not to marry his fiancée, Catherine. In other words, the time has never been better to book a one-way ticket to England for a mock funeral before popping out of the casket like you’re starring in a My Chemical Romance music video. Surely there’s a way to do all this without a trip to the morgue, right? Right?!
This week’s episodes kicked off with the bachelor/ette parties — a.k.a., the “stag party” and the “hen do” in British parlance. (I gotta say, as fun as “stag party” might be to say, something about “hen do” really makes me cringe inside.) It seems like the men get the short end of the stick here; sure, they get to drink beers and ride around London in a pedibus before retiring to an arcade bar, but the women get to enjoy a glitzy burlesque (lite) club. At least everyone’s actual friends are at these parties — a change of pace from the usual Love Is Blind prenuptial festivities, which usually just fold in past contestants — so they actually seem to be having fun.
The hot goss of the night is that Demi is feeling anxious about meeting Ollie’s parents for the first time at their wedding (woof!), and Tom and Freddie are both unsure if they can actually take a leap of faith and marry their beloveds in spite of their very different values. Cat’s friends, meanwhile, look actually distressed when she says she wants to marry Freddie — perhaps because the last time they saw Cat and Freddie, they were bickering over his suggestion that they get a prenup. (Where did we land on that, by the way? It’s a disservice to us all that producers did not follow up on that!)
And as for the actual weddings? Well, they were about as chaotic as you’d expect. And unlike Freddie’s predictable hesitation at the altar, one “no” felt like a real shock.
Steven and Sabrina are first to walk down the aisle, and I’m not even going to waste your time building up suspense; of course they say “yes.” Do we have any idea where they’re going to live? Nope! Did we ever get to the bottom of how many pairs of Speedos Steven actually owns? Also nope! But I am confident they’ll figure it out and that Sabrina will tolerate each and every pair. If the freshly minted Mr. and Mrs. Smith have broken up by reunion time, I will simply never recover.
Next up are Maria and Tom. As much as I loved reliving their adorable lipstick-smeared face-to-face reveal, we all knew these two were never going to work, right? The problem at the heart of their coupledom feels like a new one for the Love Is Blind universe. They have incredible chemistry and get along better than most other couples you’ll see on TV or in the real world, but their values are way too different. She believes in “traditional” gender roles, and he does not. She wants him to be a provider, and he initially judged her for working as a makeup artist. Also, it’s never a good sign when the groom’s mother won’t show up for your wedding.
But here’s my question: Are couples given instructions at the start of their weddings that if they say “no,” they must walk away from the altar without another word? Because it was absolutely wild to see Tom give Maria a whole big speech about how he loves her and she looks so beautiful only to say the timing isn’t right and leave the room without giving her even a moment to respond. No hug, no pat on the back, nothing! Was this a production thing, or was Tom just too scared to let Maria say her piece? We’ll have to revisit this during the reunion, but either way, I didn’t love how that went down.
Demi and Ollie’s wedding was somehow even more shocking. In fact, given the narrative that surrounded these two in the beginning, this wedding might leave some folks stunned.
These two have barely spoken since leaving their shared apartment, which makes Demi feel understandably uneasy. Her head and her heart are not aligned, and when they get to the altar, she asks Ollie if he’s okay before they even start. She’s shaking, too, and soon, we realize why.
Early on this season, the gossip among cast members was that Instagram-hottie fan Ollie was not as attracted to “sporty” Demi as she was to him. And yet, at the wedding, he says “yes,” and she says “no.” When he hears Demi’s response, Ollie lets out the most flabbergasted “Why?!” I’ve ever heard on reality television. I’d be lying if I said that part of me didn’t find it gratifying — not because Ollie deserves to be dumped, but because it got tiresome hearing so many people imply that because Demi is not skinny, Ollie must not find her attractive.
In fairness, Demi could have led with what she says next. Of course, she loves Ollie, but she’s also realized what she deserves, and they’re not there yet. They’ll keep dating until they are. It’s an “I do not, for now.” As surprised as he was in the beginning, Ollie mostly seems relieved by the time we move on to the next couple. I really hope these two make it work long-term because, despite what some of their castmates thought, I really do think they balance one another out.
But on to Jasmine and Bobby! Producers really tried to make this wedding suspenseful, but I was not fooled. Sure, Jasmine’s mom, Marisa, tried to sabotage the marriage by saying that she believes Jasmine likes Bobby more than he likes her (blasphemy!) and that she doesn’t believe he can provide for her (rude!), but I wasn’t buying the hesitation for a second. Maybe I’m just falling for how ridiculously good these two look standing next to each other, but as far as I’m concerned, their romance was written in the stars. They support one another, communicate effectively, and even do face masks together. As long as Marisa stops her meddling, I believe they’re in for smooth sailing.
I’m less convinced that Nicole and Benaiah’s ship will stay afloat long-term, but that doesn’t stop them from getting married, either. As adorable as it’s been to see these two reunite after the Great Sam Debacle, there are still so many questions left unanswered. Can he really commit to living in one place for too long? Is their bond built on something that can last, or is he just happy to be with someone after more than a decade of living single? Was Nicole’s dad really so busy with “work projects” that he had to miss the wedding, or does he share my skepticism about this commitment? Either way, I’m sure Sam is sitting around somewhere, probably on a date, moping over Nicole picking Benaiah over him and having the audacity to give him his bracelet back.
Of course, the juiciest wedding has to go last. At the risk of being too hard on Cat, I must admit I found it very funny that after spending the whole season complaining that she’s not as “bougie” as Freddie and Ollie have both made her out to be, this girl shows up to her TV wedding carrying a Louis Vuitton weekend bag. Freddie’s worried that Cat is playing a part — pretending to be the kind of girl he wants while hiding her real personality — but Cat is so ready to marry him that she lets herself believe he’ll say “yes.” And why wouldn’t she be crazy about him? He’s empathetic, he’s charming, he bought her earrings to match her engagement ring, and, as she points out, he looks like “his body is carved by God.”
You can tell going into the ceremony how nervous Freddie is; as he puts it, “I’m a pro at funerals, but maybe not so much at weddings.” Soon enough, however, he embraces his inner (probably) Capricorn and says the practical thing that we all knew was coming: “I love you, Cat, but the timing might not be right for us.” Given how much friction we’ve seen between the two of them for the past few weeks, this feels like the smart choice. I’m admittedly still not over Cat reacting to Freddie stroking her by saying “I’m not a dog”; until they sort out their love languages, this love is going to be an uphill battle.
Freddie makes clear that he’s not rejecting Cat and that he wants to continue building toward a lifelong commitment, but she’s not happy. When he tries to hug her on his way out, all she can say is, “Don’t hug me.” From there, it’s the usual mess: Freddie’s sobbing in a corner, and Catherine is desperate to find somewhere to be alone (so, naturally, the camera stalks her around the grounds and into a private room). Freddie feels like an ass, and Cat feels “unwanted.” Unlike Tom, however, Freddie not only tries to comfort Cat but also her parents.
Both Freddie and Cat do seem to want to work through this, but it’ll obviously take time. She’s hurt, and he’s still a little guarded. When she tells him she’ll be fine — “I’ve gone through shit in my life” — it’s hard not to hear a bit of resentment in her voice. He also doesn’t seem quite sure how to comfort her; all he can do is say he loves her, touch her back, and leave the room. Maybe these two will manage to patch things up, but if you’re already on Expedia looking at flights to England and happen to find a deal, it might not hurt to take a chance — especially if it’s refundable after August 26 at 9 p.m. BST.
In the great pantheon of international Love Is Blinds, LIB: U.K. might just be my favorite (at least so far). This season had the best banter by far, and as other international editions have already proven, this show is way more interesting when you cast slightly older contestants. As much as I love watching 24-year-olds delude themselves into thinking they’re ready for marriage, it’s far more enlightening to watch thirtysomethings struggle to decide if they’ve really found the one. Luckily for us, an extra decade of dating means even more emotional baggage — so casting older does not reduce the mess even one iota. The outcomes of these weddings also felt a little easier to predict than usual, in a good way. In the U.S. version, it can sometimes be hard to tell how authentic contestants are with their partners, but here, I get the sense that everyone really did show up as their full selves — for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do them part.
Pod Goss
• I get that Tom isn’t wild about the gender roles Maria envisions for her marriage, and as a working woman who hates relying on anyone, I mainly share his perspective. At the same time, the way he described how he imagined she’d want to raise her kids felt … harsh? He wants to raise his daughter to be “independent” and able to “contribute,” which implies that he doesn’t think Maria carries herself that way. Can you really say you love someone when you also don’t think they “contribute”?
• Jasmine has got to set more boundaries with her mother. At a certain point, entanglement is unhelpful — and I’d say that if you’re listening to your mother bad-mouth your fiancé the day before your wedding, you’ve reached that point!
• I’m so curious to see where Steven and Sabrina end up living because I suspect that as perfect as they are, that could become a point of friction. She seems happy that he’s open to living in Belfast, but he also seems to think that they’re definitely living in London for the first couple of years, which could easily turn into longer. Tricky, tricky!
