DEAR DEIDRE: MY brother and I have different dads, I’ve just learned. It’s been a secret within my family for years.
I’m 23 and my brother’s 26. We were at a party to celebrate my dad’s 60th, held at a posh hotel. The drinks were flowing all night and I was at the bar with my auntie.
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She was a bit tipsy, but I insisted on buying her a glass of wine.
She was chatting away and began telling me about the time when my mum and dad first met.
My auntie is 58, three years older than my mum, and she confided that there was something I should know.
Apparently Mum had an affair with her married boss a few years before I was born. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Dad was working away a lot at the time and this boss was seen as the most successful man in town. The timing was right fopr him to be my brother’s real father.
I remember when I was young, there was a huge argument at home between my mum and dad. Perhaps they were arguing about Mum’s affair? I feel so angry with my parents for keeping this from me.
I don’t know what to do with this information, but I feel I need to talk to someone about it.
Should I talk to my parents and tell my brother, or do I pretend that none of this has happened? I don’t even know if he knows the truth. I love my brother, but do I tell him that his dad is not my dad?
I am so angry with my parents and am worried I will say something I’ll regret.
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry you had to find out like this. It’s unsettling to find out this information later in life.
You need to speak to your parents. They may have made the decision not to tell you because they didn’t want to cause you any pain or confusion, and might not have wanted you to have a bad impression of your mum.
You need to tread carefully because your half-brother might not know the truth either.
Your dad has been a father to your brother in every way that counts. He has been the one who has been there for him growing up. The fact he is not his birth father doesn’t change that.
But secrets in families are damaging and if you have found out the truth, it is likely your brother, if he doesn’t already know, will find out too.
It would be far better for him to find out the truth from your parents than from someone else.
For support, contact PAC-UK who help with these family issues (pac-uk.org, 020 7284 5879).
