DEAR DEIDRE: THOUGH I still love my wife, I have zero interest in her sexually and I am having a heated affair with a woman at work.
I am 38, my wife is 34 and we have two beautiful daughters, aged nine and seven. My wife worships the ground I walk on and we have a very happy family life. We are free of debt and have a couple of holidays each year.
Our sex life was fine although I did sleep with other women. But I never dreamed of leaving my wife and told myself my wandering was OK as nobody was getting hurt.
Then I met a woman from another branch of our company who just blew me away. We have such similar aims and values. The chemistry is mindblowing. We began an affair and the sex is out of this world.
All I think about is how much I want to be in her bed. She is 33, divorced and has said she will move close to me so we can be together but I can still be near my daughters. But my head is in a real pickle.
My biggest worry is that I never wanted my kids to go through parents separating. I like our home and lifestyle and hate the idea of strained finances. And I feel terrible about hurting my wife.
She found a hotel receipt after I’d gone away for a weekend with my lover, having told her it was for a work conference. But she has forgiven me and thinks we’re OK now.
I would love my family life to work but I can’t give up my lover. Even if I finished with her, I know I would soon be unfaithful with another woman. I worry that hurting my family will make me miserable but it is hard to see how I could make my marriage work when I have zero interest in sex with my wife.
SO many men think life would be perfect if only they had an extra centimetre or two downstairs.
But having a large penis can cause problems in relationships that prove difficult to resolve.
My Manhood Too Large e-leaflet explains self-help tactics.
DEIDRE SAYS: The one thing you are sure about is that you do not want your children to go through the emotional and practical upheaval of their parents separating. I wonder if you experienced that first-hand in your own childhood.
If so, it would explain your temptation to stray even when your relationship with your wife was happy and content. Being let down emotionally as a child can leave you always searching for fulfilment as an adult, sometimes in a self-destructive way.
You have found someone you believe will be all you want in your bed but the guilt you will feel at leaving your wife and children may create tensions in that relationship. Or the shine could wear off with her sexually and you will still feel the need to stray.
Before you put your family through a breakup, work through your feelings and dilemmas with a therapist. My e-leaflet Can’t Be Faithful? will help you understand your motivations
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