Since time immemorial*, the celebrity-news-reading public has been subject to a world-shaping force. The branding, the vapidity, the slow process of reminding America that attaining A-List status is still possible by sheer force and wealth… folks, I’m talking Kardashian. Specifically, Robert Kardashian’s middle daughter, Kim Kardashian.
It almost feels like cheating to be writing about her for Dirt Bag in 2025 but viewers of the creatively titled The Kardashians reality show (Keeping Up With… has been off the air for four years!) were treated to a revelation that many have long joked about or suspected: Kim has “holes” in her brain and “low activity” in her frontal lobe, according to celebrity doctor Daniel Amen, who scanned her and her ex-brother-in-law Scott Disick’s brains on a recent episode.
Other parts of her brain are allegedly working great; she does not have a high risk for Alzheimer’s, nor is she “terribly stressed,” anxious, or depressed, a fact that prompted her to echo Donald Trump, saying, “I have a beautiful brain. I’ve heard that before.” (Did someone just brag about how he “aced” his cognitive test?)
Now, look, I don’t want to be too credulous here. I’m not sure how willing I am to trust a medical professional who has repeatedly appeared on reality TV (he’s already scanned Khloe Kardashian and Kendall Jenner’s brains), and if the last decade has taught me anything, it’s that it can be dangerous to immediately believe something that confirms your priors. There’s also the fact that this could be related to a medical issue—Kim revealed in an episode earlier this fall that she had a “little aneurysm”—and I don’t want to make light of something potentially serious.
However, let’s just revisit the facts: A doctor told Kim Kardashian that she has low brain activity on a TV show for which she is an executive producer and exerts creative control. I’m not commenting on something that Kim et al did not willingly share with the public—likely for some ulterior motive that will net the family a couple of hundred million dollars.
Kim, who’s famously been studying to be a lawyer for years, announced in November that she’d failed the California bar exam, and that she was relying on ChatGPT for help with practice tests… a sure sign of low brain activity if there is one. Maybe this television revelation was meant to give an answer to the four or five people in the world who were wondering how she possibly could have failed. Or maybe she’s publicly committing to being dumb as part of an Elon Musk/Neuralink longcon, as some Twitter conspiracy theorists are positing. Dr. Amen, for his part, said the holes could make it harder for her to manage the stress of taking the bar.
In any case, I find it somewhat comforting to start off my week holding in my own normally functioning brain (I think???) the knowledge that Kim Kardashian has, according to a television doctor, low brain activity.
*2007
- Elizabeth Olsen is ashamed that she’s not “a pet person.” [Daily Mail]
- Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist?? Well now he’s set to sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl! [Instagram]
- Oprah‘s Thanksgiving leftovers sandwich is so fucking bleak. [Instagram]
- Whitney Leavitt is coming to Broadway! [People]
- Hayley Williams says racists, sexists, and transphobes are not welcome at her upcoming tour. [Clash]
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