IF you are more likely to be bickering under the mistletoe this Christmas, then this is your moment to take action and divorce-proof your festivities before you end up facing 2025 as a singleton.
Christmas really can be the most wonderful time of the year, but the demands on your time and purse, can force any relationship cracks wide open.
Here are my eight top tips to make sure you have a very happy holiday, including making time for quality intimacy.
The lines between work and home life have become increasingly blurred, especially since more people started working from home.
While this arrangement might be more convenient on many levels it can also make it a lot harder to switch off from the day job.
By dipping into work at all hours you take away the focus from your family relationships and can leave loved ones feeling neglected.
Christmas is an opportunity to switch off from the pressures of work so close your laptop and make sure your out-of-office message is on.
If you can, consider removing your work email from your phone
for the break.
Make time instead to focus on your partner. In between all the other demands, it’s easy to neglect each other.
The festivities come with the opportunity to spend big, but there is a choice.
If you are panicking about how you are going to afford Christmas, talk to your loved ones and agree on a smaller gift budget, or
even agree to an experience together to make your money go further.
It can be as simple as ice skating, a trip to see the Christmas lights and a drink.
Gifts don’t have to break the bank and can still help create meaningful memories with a little thought and planning.
If you are hosting, consider asking other family members to contribute to the meal and celebrations.
Include your kids in the conversation. Explain you are on a tight budget and that they can really help by not going off the deep end with their present demands.
Think of Christmas as a chance to renew a genuine sense of connection by changing the focus from extravagant gift-giving to spending quality time with those you love.
The Christmas juggle is real and exhausting.
The pressure to create a perfect celebration starts months in advance but we all have limited capacity.
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So sit down with your other half and work out what your priorities are.
Discuss what is important to you both and make sure you ring fence those gems.
The alternative is that you spend hours in traffic visiting various loved ones and running out of time for your favourite winter walk.
If you feel rested, appreciated and considered, you’ll have more energy to give to others.
And just as importantly so will your partner.
Plenty of us burn the candle at both ends at this time of year and being intimate is often first to fall off the agenda, but we know having sex is good for our mental health.
After all, it releases oxytocin, the love hormone in both men and women, and that should help you feel happier and more connected.
So make sure you have a few relaxed days when you can get up later, go to bed earlier, recharge your relationship between the sheets and give your partner a Christmas present they will remember for all the right reasons.
When dishing out or receiving invitations, be transparent about what you need, so everyone knows how to plan their time.
Let guests know when to arrive and, most importantly when, you need people to leave.
Give your partner a Christmas present they will remember for all the right reasons!
Sally Land
Tell people what you want them to contribute. You can still be a great host and ask people to bring a dish, or bedding.
Also, if your mind is full of a million and one things to do, your partner will quickly fall down your list of priorities and will start to feel neglected, and vice versa.
Being organised will help you enjoy the holidays together.
Create a space for your relationship and touch in with each other.
With so many family and friends to catch up with, it’s more important than ever to regularly ask your other half if they need anything, if it’s OK for you to pop to the post office, or head over to your dad’s house.
And doing it in front of a room full of people isn’t the same as quietly asking while you are alone.
You and your partner are at the centre of everything, so make sure you are a unit together discussing and deciding as a team.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to duck out early or simply turn down an invitation.
Don’t be afraid to put your relationship ahead of the endless meals, drinks and gatherings.
There are plenty of times when the very best thing for our relationships is a night in snuggling up on the sofa.
We’ve all heard of ‘phubbing’, where someone is so distracted by their phone they leave the person they are with feeling snubbed.
So it makes sense that if you use your phone to excess in a relationship the long term effect of this is going to be hugely damaging.
Instead of doom-scrolling, make sure you ringfence significant periods of the day and leave your mobile well alone.
Indeed recent research has found couples who are distracted by their phones are less likely to be happy in their marriage and are more likely to experience conflict.
If you are worried about your relationship you can email me and my team of counsellors on deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk. It’s completely free and we reply to every single message with a personalised answer.
