WASHINGTON—Given little choice but to deploy the safety measure, stranded NASA astronauts were forced to take an emergency slide back to earth, sources confirmed Friday. “After realizing that a mechanical failure had made it impossible to return to Earth in the Orion spacecraft, we released the 286-mile inflatable slide stored by the emergency exits,” said mission leader Ray Harmon, telling reporters that the assembled crew had lined up in an orderly fashion while holding their flotation devices in case they were sucked into the vacuum of space. “Fortunately we have protocols in place for this type of eventuality, and everything should go smoothly and comfortably for the passengers apart from a potential fall of a few dozen vertical miles if the slide lets out over a chasm or canyon.” At press time, Harmon confirmed that the ride down the slide had actually been kind of fun apart from burning up upon entry into the Earth’s atmosphere.
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