VIRGO SUPERCLUSTER—Cursing with frustration at the unforeseen inconvenience, 8 billion residents of Earth told reporters Wednesday that the planet had been towed and impounded after being illegally parked in the Milky Way. “Oh goddammit, that’s my whole day ruined,” said 43-year-old Dan Levitz, one of billions of Earth dwellers who awoke to the sound of their home planet being hauled away for parking overnight in a restricted section of the solar system. “It’d been fine there for 2 million years, but suddenly they put up a sign and it’s not okay? Jesus Christ, we slapped a permit on Africa and everything, so I don’t know what they want. This fucking sucks.” A flustered humanity then went on to question how they were supposed to cobble together 250 space bucks.
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