DEAR DEIDRE: CHEATING on my ex-girlfriend is one of my biggest regrets and I understand why she is furious with me, but I think she is being seriously out of order by refusing to let my dying mum see my daughter.
Mum has diabetes and dementia and her health has really deteriorated over the past year.
I’m worried that if I can’t convince my ex to soften, that my mum will die without seeing her granddaughter.
I’m 46 and my ex is 42. Our daughter is seven years old and she is the light of my life but I haven’t seen her for the last year.
My whole world came crashing down when my girlfriend contracted genital warts from me.
When she first stumbled across my texts to my lover and discovered I’d been having an affair she was already furious but I managed to persuade her to work on our relationship.
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We were going to see a counsellor together but she made it crystal clear that she wasn’t convinced she would be able to forgive me.
Then she developed genital warts, which she had contracted from my affair and that was the final straw for her.
As soon as she got her STI results back, she packed her bags and walked out with our daughter.
I haven’t seen either of them since.
I’ve been to my former partner’s parents’ home to try and find her, I have messaged her on Facebook and even tried emailing her but she won’t respond to me.
How can I resolve this?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s time to sort out access to your daughter.
You cheated on your ex and gave her an STI so it’s not surprising she’s made it clear your relationship with her is over.
You treated her disrespectfully and lied to her but that doesn’t mean she is entitled to block your relationship with your daughter.
Children have a right to build healthy relationships with both parents – it is far better for their own development and confidence.
In your case it sounds like you need a proper legal arrangement that outlines access arrangements.
Please contact familylives.org.uk (0808 800 2222), which can support you.
My support pack When Parents Fall Out explains the effect of this sort of conflict on children.
