Right now would be the perfect time to unleash a wild card into the American political arena. We’ve seen both of these candidates before; we know exactly what to expect; and we’re all a little scared, for reasons too numerous to count. So, why not introduce someone totally unexpected – someone who’ll unite our divided country while giving us meme-able moments? Let’s dig into the list of pop culture characters who’ll make a better presidential candidate than, well, anybody.
Yep, she’s an easy choice; but that doesn’t preclude her from joining this hallowed list! Knope is the ultimate yes woman, taking on project after project as long as it serves her constituents. What better person to repair our broken country? Under her, waffles would be available at every McDonalds drive-thru and Disney+ would be free for everyone. Sure, everyone named Jerry would be forced to renounce their citizenship if they don’t get an official name change, but overall, she’d be a fair and inspirational leader.
Whenever I think of Season 8 of Game of Thrones (because I’m punishing myself that day, or something), I think of two things: (1) Daenerys suddenly becoming a psychopath without believable explanation, and (2) Jon Snow telling everyone “But I don’t want it.” He was talking about the throne, of course, and every other character would always respond, “But that’s why you should have it.” I’m not positive that he had any other exchange that season. Anyway, he’d make a great president because you know that he wouldn’t be there for personal gain. Sure, he’d be drab, and he might unveil an even more depressing White House Christmas display than Melania Trump, but he’d have your back. Even if he didn’t want it.
This X-Woman already gives grandiose speeches every time she summons the forces of nature, so I think she’d be excellent in debates. Anytime her opponent says something challenging, she’d just fly into the air, raise her hands, roll her eyes into the back of her head, and scream about tornadoes. Her opponent wouldn’t even realize that she never answered Jake Tapper’s question about inner city public schools. Sure, this tactic might get tiring for her Cabinet once she starts invoking the Western Winds of the Sahara every time she wants to get out of a meeting, but she’d be an excellent show-woman. That’s part of the job!
I loved this guy’s love story – I’m a sucker for slow burns – but I otherwise find him tedious. He’s so serious all the time, worrying about annoying things like “finances” and “keeping his family afloat,” and never finds time to relax. And he’s so competitive. All of this makes him a perfect candidate for president! Wouldn’t you want an ultra-serious human running your country instead of, idk, a reality star? He could lower our country’s deficit or whatever while the rest of us watch MILF Manor in bliss.
This man has mentored as many doctors as there are seasons of this show, so roughly 70. Both Miranda and Meredith have flourished under his guidance, so why shouldn’t the country? He has wisdom pouring from his pores. He also has a sense of humor, which gives him a leg up on other candidates since there’s a low bar for humor among presidents. (Name one president who has made you laugh unironically.) Oh, and he’s tough – he survived electrocution and cobalt poisoning, and even got sober. That will come in handy when he has to run the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt.
I saved the most obvious choice for last. This is a woman who has been literally pulled apart, tossed to the ground, dragged across floors, suffocated under pillows, undressed against her will, contorted into inhuman positions, and forced to kiss Ken on at least 5,000 occasions in weddings officiated by eight-year-olds. Nevertheless, she persisted. As evidenced by 2023’s Barbie, she ultimately rose above her station to assume the nation’s highest office, proudly uniting a nation ravaged by Kens. If that doesn’t make her qualified to win the presidency and repair our great nation, then nothing will.
